This article is another
version of "Let's
Make Him Straight"
By Barrington H. Brennen,
April 2, 2014, 2020
WRITER'S NOTE ADDED IN APRIL 2020: I do believe that some
individuals can cease having same sex attractions and/or cease having same
sex relationships. However, I am also aware that a percentage of
individuals who desire not to have same sex attraction, are not successful,
even with sincere prayer and a meaningful relationship with Jesus. I
sincerely believe that these individuals are equally as normal and
spiritual as all the others. I also know that reparative therapy does not
work for everyone.
For
many Christians they feel it is their duty to make someone
with homosexual orientation become a heterosexual
(straight). I must hasten to remind all Christians that we
cannot actually change them. It is the Holy Spirit who
changes peoples’ lives. Too many Christians want people to
change unacceptable habits, or habits the Christians believe
are wrong, before they can be treated with respect. This is
totally wrong. Many homosexuals, for whatever reason (nature
or nurture, genetics and/or environment) have been dealing
with their homosexual desires from childhood and need great
support and understanding from friends and relatives to
overcome or feel like a worthwhile citizen no matter their
orientation.
I am not suggesting that a
hormonal imbalance is an excuse to support homosexuality.
Neither am I suggesting that all homosexuals began that
lifestyle under hormonal influences and not by choice. I am
suggesting that this helps us to better understand
homosexuals. If you want to make a homosexual straight, you
better get your own act together first.
I
now know that some homosexuals find it impossible to change
their orientation. However, they can choose not to have
sexual or romantic relationships. I also know that
reparative therapy has not worked for many homosexuals. Some
homosexuals have lived their lives in the closet for
decades, covering up their feelings with heterosexual
marriages, children, grandchildren. Then after twenty-five
or even forty years of marriage they cannot stand it
anymore. They leave their heterosexual marriages to start a
homosexual relationship which they say makes them happier.
These are really complex issues.
Since I’ve been writing
about homosexuality, I have also made some changes about my
views. I have not change my principle that homosexuality is
not God’s design, but certainly I have a clearer understanding of
why they are that way and how difficult or impossible it is
for many to change. One purpose of this article, then, is to help
us to be less judgmental of those with a sexual orientation
different from our own.
There are some homosexuals
who do express a desire to change from a homosexual to a
heterosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately, the response by most Christians is a
list of things that this person must do to "prove" his or
her spiritual transformation—meaning he or she is no longer
a homosexual. The list might look like this: 1) Start having
romantic friendship with a person of the opposite sex. 2)
Stop talking with a lisp. 3) Stop the effeminate walk. 4)
Get married. 5) Have children. This is totally wrong. The
sad truth is if the homosexual is not able to fulfill these
demands they become discouraged, depressed, disillusioned
with Christianity, and in some cases, even suicidal. They
are not necessarily depressed because they are
homosexuals. Instead, they are depressed or suicidal because
nobody understands and no body cares. Perhaps, the demands
are too great and unreasonable. We make them believe that
outwardly, changed of behavior is proof of victory in Jesus or
the only way they will be loved and accepted.
The truth is that these are
no proof of spiritual transformation. The proof of spiritual
transformation on this earth is how God is helping the
former practicing homosexual to live a daily victorious
life. He may never walk the way we want him to walk, get
married, or have a desire for another person of the opposite
sex. God did not say that he will automatically recover from
the past lifestyle as a proof of his relationship with Him.
God gives the power to immediately cease the habit and then
asks us to trust Him each step of the way. Most Christians
believe that if the homosexual still has the desire, then he
is sinning. The desire may take a longer time to diminish.
The desires are not usually the problem. The problem is our
accepting and cherishing the desires.
When we accept homosexuals
for whom they are and support them in their spiritual
journey, then they will find the strength to remain
straight. Depression and suicide are high among homosexuals,
especially those who are seeking change. I also say that if
we learn how to accept and support homosexuals who are
Christians and who are living Christ-like lives, as
homosexuals, they need not have sleepless nights over
changing; but glorious days of victorious living.
I need us to understand
that yes, some can and want to change, but many of them do
not want to change or find it impossible to do so. Some say
there is a genetic component to homosexuality (not yet
scientifically proven). Why can’t we understand and
appreciate more the one who is a homosexual. Babies are born
with no arms or limbs or even blind. Despite
these deformities we would still love them
unconditionally. We do not require the baby to grow
legs and arms to be human and to be loved. Why can’t we do
the same with homosexual? Persons who are different than we
expected. At the same time as Christians, we can
still maintain our beliefs that sexual and romantic
relationship with someone of the same sex is wrong and
encourage the homosexual to believe the
same.
MYTHS: Let me share a few
myths many heterosexuals have about homosexuals that drive
their anger toward them. First, we equate homosexuality with
promiscuity. This is false. In fact, research shows the
promiscuity among heterosexuals is a litter higher than
homosexual. On one hand it is okay for a Christian
heterosexual male to be flirtatious toward females but
certainly not a homosexual. Both are wrong. But what
hypocrisy! Secondly, there are many homosexual couples who
refuse to engage in anal sex. They think it is distasteful
and wrong. In fact anal sex seems to be more prevalent among
heterosexuals than homosexuals even heterosexual married
Christians. Thirdly, not all homosexuals are in a
relationship or want to be in one. There are many
homosexuals who have never had a sexual or romantic
relationship. There are many who are in a romantic
relationship but have remained monogamous and faithful.
Sadly, unfaithfulness among Christian heterosexuals is at a
deadly high. I must remind us all that our sexual
orientation is not what determines our spiritual destiny. It
is a Christ-like behavior that does. Stop wasting your
energy in trying to change a homosexual to become
heterosexual (unless he or she seeks your help to do so).
Instead be their unconditional friends, no matter their
sexual orientation. Your love might work miracles for them
and for you.
If you would like to find out more information about freedom over
homosexuality or for books and materials on homosexuality seek this website:
Changed Ministries
