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When a Man is Raped Part 2

By Barrington H. Brennen, November 20, 2012, 2022

PDF Format  Part 1




The American statistics on male rape are alarming.  It leaves us to wonder what would be the facts in our country if we kept such statistics.  According to the U.S. Justice Department, “one in every 10 rape victims is male. According to the US study, about three percent of American men (2.78 million) have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape. Around 60 percent of these men identify as gay or bisexual”  (Online news writers, Matt Comer and David Stout).  I hope these statistics have dispelled the myth that only females or homosexual males are raped. 


The many stories about male rape are equally painful.  Men who are raped experience similar emotional pain as females—anger, denial, frustration, depression, suicidal ideations, confusion, etc.  Some are physically wounded for life.  Let me share (with permission) two stories of male rape.  



John was a 21-year-old virgin male.  He was a great athlete and a popular student leader in high school.  He was full of energy, good looking, and had a contagious smile.  He loved attending parties, but not those where alcohol and sexual dancing was the norm.  He did not drink or smoke or use illegal drugs of any kind.  He lived with his parents and sisters in an urban community where there were lots of laughter, fun, and respect for each other.  One of his personal goals was to wait until he got married before he engaged in sexual activity.  This all changed one night when he made a wrong decision.


John had a friend who frequented gay bars and would constantly invite him to go with him for parties, but John always refused.  On the night in question, John gave in. “Just this once” he said to himself.  He said he would just sit and make new friends and see if he can have some fun.  The night started out okay.  The homosexuals he met were respectful and did nothing to make him feel uncomfortable.  But as the night grew older, the crowd changed and got noisier.  One strange man he was introduced to, who seemed to be friendly, offered him a drink and began sharing with him, in a very non-threatening way, about his life.   About thirty minutes later John began to feel dizzy and what happened next he knew nothing about.   John woke up the following morning at about 4 a.m. in a hotel room from the weight of another many lying on top of him.   John was raped.  This changed his life.  By the time he reached age 21, he wondered whether or not he was homosexual.  He started down a slippery road of promiscuity with both males and females.   The pain of the night was too great.  He began to use alcohol and drugs and became very depressed and angry. 


The story has a great ending.  By the age of 35 John was tired and frustrated with his life.  With the help of individual psychotherapy and rekindling his faith in Jesus, he stabilized his life, got married, and is now living a productive, healthy lifestyle. 


John did not need to get married to prove he was healed.  That was the path God had chosen for him.  Sharing about being raped as a man is still painful, but his story, although more extensive than what I am sharing in this article, has helped men to find peace within.



Robert was raised in a Christian home but always felt that he was not a “normal child.”  At an early age he found himself attracted to other boys sexually, although he never mentioned it to anyone.  By the time he finished high school he was certain that he was gay and began exploring that lifestyle.  It wasn’t long before he realized that the lifestyle he had chosen was not free of emotional pain, anger, abuse, jealousy, frustration, etc.  Although he had his ups and downs, he remained faithful to his partners.   Yes, by some expectations, Robert was not a “normal male”.  Unfortunately, his effeminate tendencies seem to attract suitors who were not friendly or nice.  Then one night, four strong homosexual men, gang raped him in a parking lot. Each one taking his turn inflicting pain that felt like it went on for hours.  It was hours of helplessness and hopelessness.  Robert said “it felt like being pushed against his will in a dark deep hole and trying to scratch his way out but constantly being pushed back.”


Pain, anger, rage, hatred, frustration—all collided in a heart that only sought love and peace.  Robert was free to be a homosexual, but no one should be violated the way he was, regardless of one’s sexual orientation.  No one.  Today Robert still feels the pain.  The physical scars from that night will never go away.  He lives one day at a time with a sense of inner of peace and healing. 


Why are people so mean, angry, and violent?   Yes, many of us do believe that the homosexual lifestyle is a sin, but the Christian must speak out against such behavior.  Everyone, of all sexual orientations, should be free to live in a world of peace and harmony.  Dear reader, what are you going to do today to make that happen?


Part 1


Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.  Send your questions to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com  or call 1242 327 1980 or you may visit www.soencouragement.org 







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