When a Man Is Raped Part 1
By Barrington H.
Brennen, Oct 31, 2012
violent act against a human being, should never take place in
any society. For many years we only heard about females being
raped. Even when rumors did circulate that a male was raped it
become one of the greatest kept secrets of our times. In fact,
most did not believe it and often made jokes about it. The
folklore of many cultures suggests that “males cannot get rapped
. . . it is impossible.” It suggests that because of the
physiological make up of women it is “expected” that women can
be raped, but not men. This is a myth. Psychologist, Margret
Roberts, in her book “When a man is raped . .. a survival
guide” states that “male rape happens more often than most
people believe. . . When we hear the word “rape”, our mental
image is usually that of a male perpetrator and a female
victim. But men do get raped. Just as several decades ago, the
rape of women and children was neglected and collectively
denied, so also has the rape of men.”
many believe that male rape is only possible between homosexual
males or among prisoner. This is another myth. Many also
believe that rape is only possible by a male perpetrator on
another male or female. The truth is that anyone, male or
female, can be a perpetrator or victim of rape. Yes, women can
rape men and it does occur. Please don’t get in a argument
with me about the subject. Just accept the facts. Perhaps
those who argue that women cannot rape men may also have
difficulty agreeing that a husband can rape his wife. As one
author said “If someone does not agree
to have sex with another and a sexual act is forced upon them,
that is called rape.” The sexual act does not have to be
penetration. It can be forced oral sex or the use of an object
in any cavity.
makes it very clear
in her book about men who
rape men. Let us read:
“Perpetrators of male-to-male rape have an average age of 26 years.
They commonly identify as heterosexual and are usually involved
in consensual sexual relationships with others. Many men who
rape men state that the gender of the victim does not matter to
them. They rape to: conquer and control, act out feelings of
revenge, resolve conflicts about their own sexuality, and gain
status among similar men by being an aggressor.
We must become more compassionate and understand to all victims
of rape. The affects of sexual assault is serious. Let me
share with you what is considered the “Checklist of Universal
Reactions to Sexual Assault” Here it is:
Emotional Shock: I feel numb. How can I be so calm? Why can't I
cry? Or get angry?
Disbelief and/or Denial: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just
imagined it. It wasn't really rape.
Embarrassment: What will people think? I can't tell my family or
Shame: I feel completely filthy, like there's something wrong with
me. I can't get clean.
Guilt: I feel as if it's my fault, or I should've been able to stop
it. If only I had...
Depression: How am I gonna get through the next few days? I'm so
tired! I feel so hopeless. Maybe I'd be better off dead.
Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?
Disorientation: I don't even know what day it is, or what I'm
supposed to be doing right now. I keep forgetting things.
Flashbacks: I'm still re-living the assault! I keep seeing that
face and feeling like it's happening all over again.
Fear: I'm scared of everything. What if I have herpes or AIDS? I
can't sleep because I'll have nightmares. I'm afraid to go out.
I'm afraid to be alone.
Anxiety: I'm having panic attacks. I can't breathe! I can't stop
shaking. I feel overwhelmed.
Anger: I feel like killing the person who attacked me!
Physical Stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I
feel jittery and don't feel like eating.
Remembering past assaults: I’m getting back memories of what
happened to me as a child, since the rape. They won’t go away.
your questions and comments to marriage and family therapist,
Barrington H. Brennen P.O. Box CB-13019 or email at
firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the website