(6) Donít try to win, EVER.
If one wins, the other loses and begins to build resentment about the
relationship. That destroys rather than builds the relationship.
(7) Respect Crying.
It is a valid response to how we feel, but donít let crying sidetrack
you. It is a response for men as well as women.
(8) No violence.
Physical violence violates all of the above rules for fighting by mutual
Remember, a fight between married partners has the purpose of clearing the
air and expressing deep feelings in order to build a more unified life. Keep
your goal in mind--the goal of sharing your lives with each other.
WORDS NOT TO USE WHEN FIGHTING
Here are some words husbands and wives are not to use when fighting. These
words are: "You never." "I told you so." "You
always." "I donít want to discuss it." "When will you ever
learn?" "How may times do I have to tell you?" These are some of
the words that "hit below the belt," that make a partner defensive,
and that creating a win-lose argument.
Here is another secret. When partners are going
to have a discussion about a topic that usually
leads in to an argument it is wise to limit the
length of that discussion to no more than 20
minutes. Take a break and then return to the
topic. Do not stay there and ďfight it outĒ
until both are exhausted, highly frustrated and
tired. Taking breaks can reduce those passionate
WORDS TO USE FOR FAIR FIGHTING
Here are some words husbands and wives should use when fighting fairly. These
words are "Iím sorry." "I need you." "Please help
me." "I did wrong." "Thank you." "I love
Readers, watch for articles in the future explaining more about "fair
fighting" in marriage. Also, listen for upcoming marriage seminars that I
Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, is a
marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical
psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org
or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.