Barrington H. Brennen
Are you emotionally exhausted? Have you been repeatedly
wounded by a loved one and have shad copious tears over the
years? Have you been disappointed over and over again by your
lover, spouse, or significant other in your life. Through all of
this pain, stress, and misery you have cried and cried sometimes
leaving you sapped of all energy. Now you feel as though you
have no more tears left to cry. You have said all you could say.
You have pleaded, discussed, begged, argued, and reasoned, but
to no avail. You have compromised you values, changed you
lifestyle, and perhaps even joined another church, just to see
if it would make a difference, but it did not. You even went
hungry to bed, had sex went you did not want it, avoid
purchasing clothing, changed your dress style, but you are still
in the relationship. Perhaps you have a few chronic illnesses
due to the long-term stress, and you are still there.
What should you do? Is it time to leave? Is it time to give
up? I want to ask you a few questions. Is it worth staying?
After all these years of pain, sleepless night, serious physical
illnesses, do you think God is still expecting you to stay? Do
you feel trapped now because you have given to up so much too
long and you feel there is no where to turn? Do you feel weak
now because you only stayed because the pastor told you that you
were required to stay despite the physical and verbal abuse?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then I want to
encourage you to be bold and do something to make yourself
Here are a few suggestions:
- If you have not done so yet, seek professional help. A
well-trained therapist can help you sort out your feelings
and may have strategies to bring healing to the
- Write a letter to your partner about your pain and hope.
Remember to focus on your feelings and not on what the other
person has done. Use the "I" word instead of the "you" word.
Say "I am hurt when you call me names." Do not say "you
always call me bad names."
- Talk to a trusted friend, pastor, who is confidential and
- If you have done all you can then know that you have the
power to chart your own course. You are not an animal or a
little child. You are a grown adult. Hold you chin up and
move forward. Yes, it might mean leave comfort of the house
or the car. It might mean depending on another family member
to provide. However, you will have peace of mind and your
physical and emotional health will get stronger.
- Say to yourself "God made me complete, unique, special,
and with a purpose. Therefore I donít need anyone to be
somebody because God made be somebody."
- Rise up and change your life.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.
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