Are
you emotionally exhausted? Have you been
repeatedly wounded by a loved one and have shed
copious tears over the years? Have you been
disappointed over and over again by your lover,
spouse, or significant other in your life.
Through all of this pain, stress, and misery,
you have cried and cried, sometimes leaving you
sapped of all energy. Now you feel as though you
have no more tears left to cry.
At
church, you are being told to stay in the
relationship because “that is what the Lord
would want you to do.” No one believes your
stories of being abused. Your husband is well
known and is so nice and friendly with people.
On the other hand, with you, and in the dark
corners of your home, he is treacherous.
You
have said all you could say. You have pleaded,
discussed, begged, argued, and reasoned, but to
no avail. You have compromised your values,
changed your lifestyle, and perhaps even joined
another church, just to see if it would make a
difference, but it did not.
You
even went hungry to bed, had sex when you did
not want it, avoided purchasing clothing, and
changed your dress style, but you are still in
the relationship. Perhaps you have a few chronic
illnesses due
to the long-term stress, and you are
still there.
What should you do? Is it time to leave? Is it
time to give up? I want to ask you a few
questions. Is it worth staying? After all these
years of pain, sleepless nights, and serious
physical illnesses, do you think God is still
expecting you to stay? Do you feel trapped now
because you have given so much for so long and
you feel there is nowhere to turn? Do you feel
weak now because you only stayed because the
pastor told you that you were required to stay
despite the physical and verbal abuse?
If
your answer is yes to any of these questions,
then I want to encourage you to be bold and do
something to make yourself happy. Dry your
tears and run for your life.
Here are a few suggestions to consider:
-
If you have not done so yet, seek
professional help. A well-trained therapist
can help you sort out your feelings and may
have strategies to bring healing to the
relationship.
-
Write a letter to your partner about your
pain and hope. Remember to focus on your
feelings and not on what the
other person has done. Use the "I" word
instead of the "you" word. Say "I am hurt
when you call me names." Do not say "you
always call me bad names."
-
Talk to a trusted friend or pastor who is
confidential and supportive.
-
If you have done all you can, hen know that
you have the power to chart your own course.
You are not an animal or a little child. You
are a grown adult. Hold your chin up and
move forward. Yes, it might mean leaving the
comfort of the house or the car. It might
mean depending on another family member or
someone close to you to provide. However,
you will have peace of mind, and your
physical and emotional health will get
stronger.
-
Say to yourself, "God made me complete,
unique, special, and with a purpose.
Therefore, I don’t need anyone to be
somebody because God made me somebody."
-
Consult a lawyer to have a good
understanding of your rights regarding
assets, divorce, protection, etc.
-
Rise up and change your life. Get out and
run for your life. Find a church that
supports your needs and has a non-toxic
environment.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family
therapist. Send your questions or comments to
question@soencouragement.org or visit
www.soencouragement.org or call 1-242 327
1980
