What are the qualities of a good husband? What do women
look for in a man when selecting a husband? I hasten to say
that far too many women do not really know what the
characteristics of a good husband are.
Many women want a man to have a good job with enough
money to pay all the bills, purchase a house, put food on
the table, and support all their personal needs so they can
keep all their money to spend as they wish it. Some women
want a man with enough money so they would not have to work
outside the home. In exchange, the man will lead the home by
making all major decisions and having the last say. They
will cook the food, be a sex partner, and produce children
for him. This is what I called a "transactional
I am proposing that these "characteristics" constitute a
poor formula that often leads to abuse. It is important that
a husband have a job. It is also important that a husband be
a leader, primarily of his own life and be willing to lead
with his wife. What is certainly not good is when a woman
begins the relationship as a dependent. These are not the
ancient days when women had little or no value and could not
be educated, nor have a job, neither a bank account. Before
a woman or man enters a relationship both of them should be
independent, self-sufficient, well-adjusted, mature adults.
It is imperative that a woman be totally independent and has
no need of a man before she really seeks one.
I have observed that there are still some young brides
who leave their parentsí homes on the wedding day as
dependent young adults and join in holy matrimony to
independent men who feel honored to take care of their new
wives. Typically while dating the men paid for all the
meals. The men have good jobs and the young women depend on
them for funding all entertaining activities. The young
women have never or very rarely were in a position to
contribute to the financial decisions made before marriage.
This is a recipe for disaster. Women, if you need a man with
money because you do not have any, you might be setting
yourself up for a miserable relationship. That is not a good
characteristic of a good husband. In fact, that is not even
a good characteristic of a good wife.
It is my view that a woman should not begin dating until
she is able to control her own destiny in the relationship.
Do not allow the male with whom you are hoping to have a
relationship to have the upper hand. Perhaps, it is
important for me to define the term "dating." In my own
words, dating is a relationship with an end in mind. What
kind of end do you have in mind? Is it sex, a baby, or
marriage? If you do not have an end in mind before you start
dating, soon an end you did not consider might occur. Thatís
I appeal to you, men, not to be controlled by the
cultural expectations that you are to hold the money bag and
be in charge of the relationship. You might enjoy having her
with you, but at some point you will hurt her or she will
hurt you. If you need to show your power and manhood by
paying all the bills, then you are misguided and will
ultimately become a weak man in the eyes of the woman. Why?
It is because one day all the money might be gone and your
power will be stripped and so will your manhood. Then the
risk of being abusive will increase.
Marriage specialist Dr. John Knoles says that a good
husband "knows that, as his responsibilities increase, his
rights will decrease. Is willing to give up everything
except responsibility for his actions. Realizes his
integrity has dynamic, influential value. Desires godly
integrity: not just an image." A good husband loves
unconditionally. He seeks not to control but to serve. He
shares power with his wife. His daily passion is to serve
and love his wife.
Women, remember being a good husband is not determined by
how much he will do for you, but by how much he will do
you. You can only know if he will share with you if you
bring your own strengths and independence to the table. Go
and find a good husband.