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I Prefer Experienced Men.

By Barrington H. Brennen, June 2001


Question: Dear Sir, All of my friends are saying that it is better to marry a man who has some sexual experience than to marry a man who is a virgin. I am a Christian, I do not believe that. Could you please help me?

Answer: Wow! What a myth. Your friends want men experienced in what? How to have sex with different sex partners? Any animal can do that. Is it how to have sex with someone he is not committed to? A drunkard can do that. When these same sex-driven, passion-seekers enter marriage they soon find out that having sex with the same partner over and over on a regular bases cannot be compare to having sex with different persons here and there. My counseling knowledge and research tells me that experience does not guarantee sexual compatibility or happiness in marriage. In fact, statistics reveal that premarital sex usually turns into post marital aberrations (affairs), and is a much greater risk for marital break-up.

Women who prefer sexually experienced men are making several false assumptions. The first false assumption is that a sexually experienced man will provide a guarantee that their sexual needs will be continually satisfied after marriage. This is a not true. Many men who have been sexually active before marriage developed poor sexual habits that affect their sex life after marriage. For example; premature ejaculation. Many man before marriage were satisfying their own sexual needs and not the needs of their partners. The second false assumption is that a healthy marriage is based on sexual activity. This is not so. A healthy married has nothing to do with sex. Sex, on the other had has something to do with a healthy marriage. In other words, when sex dies because of illness or accident what will happen then to the relationship. The third false assumption is that real men canít wait to have sex, thus a little experience before marriage will be a plus to his manhood. How could this be. It takes a real man to say no and to know the value of waiting. It does not take much energy to follow the hormones. More power to the men who can keep his pants up and his sipper close before marriage.

Our first sexual intercourse was a wonderful experience for both my wife and I.  It was our first time. It was our honeymoon night. Never before had I had sex with another person, neither did my wife. She did not make me feel any less of a man. We had plenty head knowledge eager to try out after we said "I do." It was fun, two innocent people exploring Godís wonderful creation for marital sexual enjoyment. Real men and women can wait. Itís worth the wait. Three weeks before our wedding night, my father and I went on a long walk, it was a frank man to man talk. It would be his last time he would talk to me as a single son. At the end of the conversation he went into Lows Pharmacy and bought a pack of condoms and gave it to me. I knew all about condoms, but I never had reason to buy one so he thought to start of the gift giving my giving me my first pack of condoms. It was the first pack I opened on July 21, 1977, our wedding night, after the many other packs I received as gifts from other relatives. Yes, my father bought my first pack of condoms. I was twenty-two years of age.

The beautiful thing about waiting is that there is no other sexual experiences or partners one can to compare to. Both parties are starting on equal plan. Both parties are free to explore and grow. Both parties have equal opportunities for sexual gratification and satisfaction.

Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com  or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org  or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.




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April 26, 2000, TAGnet/NetAserve / Network Solutions

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