Women, not men,
get pregnant. So, what’s the big deal? I believe many
fathers are happy because they feel free to do whatever they
want to do while the mothers labor at home. Unfortunately,
society has cultivated roles based on pregnancy rather than
shared responsibility. Traditionally, society expects
pregnant women to remain home after pregnancy, at least for
a while, provide all the baby needs while performing as
maids in the home. Where are the husbands or partners? They
are having fun with friends. How could this be? I have
actually witnessed mothers with new born babies at home
having to call their mothers or mothers-in-law or sisters to
come and assist in doing simple tasks that the father should
do, but he is "enjoying" extra-curricular activities with
his friends. How insulting and inconsiderate! How can a
father seek to have fun outside of the home while a mother
is at home struggling with baby needs and household chores?
Isn’t it true that fathers are "pregnant" also? They just
did not carry the babies in a womb.
There are some
fathers who claim that they cannot change diapers, feed
babies, or even bathe them and they refuse to learn. Why is
that so? Is it because they were not exposed to that in
their homes while growing up? Is it because they were
constantly told "that it is a woman’s job?" Or is it because
men are made with a serious physiological design that
prohibits them from touching dirty diapers? We know this is
not true.
Here are some
interesting facts from an online article I recently read:
"According to a survey of 8,000 men and 3,500 women in
Brazil, Croatia, Chile, India, Mexico, and Rwanda,
statistics on the issue of male participation in household
duties from these six developing countries are pretty
sobering. It's not only diapers that men shy away from, it's
childcare in general. In Rwanda, 61 percent of the men
surveyed consider it to be a women’s duty. In India, 86
percent of dads say they would never touch a diaper because
it’s women’s work." What about fathers in The Bahamas and
the Caribbean? Although I have no statistics, to share I
noticed that some fathers in The Bahamas and the Caribbean
who do change diapers and bathe the children are thinking in
their minds that they are "helping" the mothers out. They
are not doing it because it is also their responsibility.
Some men have
taboos about changing girls’ diapers. I wonder why? Are
these fathers uncomfortable changing girls’ diapers because
they have questions about their own sexuality? Then, should
mothers change boys’ diapers? You notice it is mostly the
fathers that have the taboos. Mothers have been changing
both boys’ and girls’ diapers for thousands of years and we
have not seen any negative results. Why do fathers have this
hang up? This must stop.
My observation is
that very few fathers really make serious adjustments in the
work or play schedule when babies are born. They might get
one or two days off during the first week but soon resort to
their regular activities. Why it is that it is the mother
who gets up at night to deal with the crying baby, has to
clean the baby’s bottles (if the mother is not
breastfeeding), and still prepares breakfast for the father
before he leaves for work? This is unfair and wrong.
SHARED
RESPONSIBILITY
It is my view
that the responsibility of parenting newborn infants and
children of all ages is the full responsibility of both
father and mother. That’s not negotiable. The father is to
cease all extra-curricular activities and sometimes normal
activities to join the mother in performing every hourly and
daily task for the newborn baby. The father’s celebration
that he is now a man because he has a child should be
demonstrated by being at home and working with mom and not
by sharing cigars and playing dominoes with friends under
the trees at night. Whether he likes in or not he is to
"suck in his guts" and muster up the courage to become a
"hands-on father" with all of his children. If he does not
know what to do, at least he can have a willingness to learn
and become good at it. The attitude is important. There are
fathers who boast of having been in the delivery room
watching the child’s birth but their involvement ends right
there. It is as though that "herculean" task fulfills his
divine responsibility as fathers. What a shame!
A SHINING EXAMPLE
While I am
saddened with the fact that far too many fathers are not
doing their natural God-given
responsibilities
as care givers, there are some who are wonderful, caring,
and full-time fathers. There are some fathers who are
shinning examples for parenting. They refuse to let the
mothers get up at night to tend to a crying baby. They are
naturally involved in every single aspect of caring:
feeding, cooking, washing clothes, hugging, changing
diapers, putting on clothes, shopping, cleaning house, and
cuddling. These fathers cannot wait to get home after
working hours to lovingly tend to the needs of the baby and
mother. They reduce or stop all unnecessary activities
outside of the home to spend the time at home with mom and
children. As the child gets older and more independent
allowing more leisure time for both parents, they wisely and
gradually allow more and more fun times apart or together
without sacrificing the emotional or physical well-being of
the children. Thank God for these fathers.
Dear fathers, are
you spending the time caring for your new-born child? If
not, start today.
