- Anymore Good Women Available?
- By Barrington H. Brennen*, August 13, 2002
Some time ago I wrote an article
Unwanted Bahamian Man" that stimulated many readers and raised lots of
questions. However, the article did not absolve women of their foolish behavior
or lifestyle. It is not my intention to paint a picture of a world of perfect,
pure, and upright women. Too many women make it their duty to seduce men and
break up marriages. While countless men feel it is natural and manly to have
many partners and irresponsibly father countless children, many women welcome
these men into their arms and are themselves cunning, seductive, and immoral.
- WOLVES IN SHEEP CLOTHING
Many women are like a much needed mirage in a hot sunny desert. From a
distance they lure thirsty men to their sides by their seductive beauty,
borderline friendships, and cunning behavior. These men are mesmerized by
the seemly pleasurable deeds, but are awakened to a painful world of cold
love and abusive power. These foolish men are then led to the slaughter like
dumb goats. When they awaken, they are caught between a wife and a pregnant
lover, or a committed marital partner and possessive secret lover. These
women know that men can see better than they can hear, so they entice them
in a world of visual sensuality and pleasure. When it is all over (if it is
ever over), hearts are torn apart, and permanent scars are left behind. Men
beware of these wolves in sheep clothing–seductive women.
WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE THIS?
Why do some women act this way? Is it because they are sexually or love
addicted? Whatever it is, it is not healthy. According to the National
Association on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (NASAC), "Some women
go beyond these culturally-sanctioned behaviors and use sex compulsively as
a means of gaining power and love. The idea of being ‘love addicted’ may
be preferred by sexually addicted women because it fits the romantic,
nurturer model of women, whereas the term ‘sex addict’ connotes an image
of a ‘nymphomaniac,’ ‘slut,’ or ‘whore.’ "
Here are a few of the behavior patterns of sexually addictive
women: "1) Changing relationships to control sexual fantasy and/or
activities. 2) Swearing off relationships only to give in to the next ‘right’
lover. 3) Breaking promises to self or others to stop abusive fantasy or sexual
behaviors. 4) Workaholism, overeating, or reading romance novels to take the
place of a sexual relationship.
Some women will continue their behavior even when there are
great negative consequences. This may result in unplanned pregnancies,
abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, or violence and shame resulting from
sexual activities. Other results include decreased productivity at work due to
sexual behavior, relationship problems resulting from extramarital affairs or
excessive time spent on sex-related activities, depression related to inability
to change sexual patterns or their consequences, substance abuse or eating
disorders to numb shame, and other negative feelings related to sexual
The National Association of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity
explains further some of the sexually addictive behavior patterns in women. They
may include: excessive flirting, dancing, or personal grooming to be seductive;
wearing provocative clothing whenever possible [a form of exhibitionism];
changing one's appearance via excessive dieting, excessive exercise, and/or
reconstructive surgery to be seductive; exposing oneself in a window or car;
making sexual advances to younger siblings, clients, or others in subordinate
power positions; seeking sexual partners in high-risk locations; multiple
extramarital affairs; disregard of appropriate sexual boundaries; e.g.,
considering a married man, one's boss, or one's personal physician as
appropriate objects of romantic involvement; trading sex for drugs, help,
affection, money, social access, or power; having sex with someone they just met
at a party, bar, or on the internet [forms of anonymous sex]; compulsive
masturbation; and exchanging sex for pain or pain for sex."
Isn’t it obvious that women are joining men in fulfilling
the prophecy found in the Holy Scriptures in 2 Timothy 3:1-3:
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the
last days. People will be lovers of themselves, . . . . . boastful, proud,
abusive, . . . . unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without
self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good."
- POOR FAMILY LIFE
Most seductive and sexually addictive women have not had parental examples
of how to be intimate and loving in a nonsexual way. Most seductive women
come from dysfunctional homes where love is not easily expressed.
"Research has shown that there is often a combination of rigidity and
lack of emotional support in the sex addict's family of origin. The majority
of female sex addicts were sexually abused in childhood--78% in one
study." A major problem is that too many of our Bahamian and West
Indian girls are being raised in very strict families, with a lack of
affection, care and understanding. Sometimes their so-called Christian
families hide their sexually or verbally abusive activity with their
children behind the closed doors of "spiritual holiness." No one
ever knows about the terrible family secret.
In 1997, author Katherine Kersten wrote an article entitled
"Cosmopolitan's Philosophy of Unfettered Freedom." It was in response
to the constant message that the very popular magazine give to men and women
about sex, love, flirting, etc. Why do so many people buy Cosmopolitan Magazine?
Here’s her response:
"So why do women buy this magazine? Do they actually
enjoy gazing at scantily clad ‘babes’? Are they really intent on exploring
the pros and cons of group sex? I don't think so. My guess is that the appeal
of Cosmo’s pictures and articles lies not so much in their content, as in
the philosophy of life they convey. Their real function is to signal to
readers -- on every page -- that happiness comes from breaking rules and
rejecting limits, including traditional social constraints on dress, speech,
and behavior. Away with the ‘Thou shalt nots’ that have repressed us for
millennia! ‘Cosmo’ trumpets unfettered freedom as women's birthright --
‘Thou shalt do as thou damn well please.’ This is a seductive philosophy,
but it has a catch. For if ‘freedom’ is women's birthright, it is also
men's. And as the last inhibition bites the dust, women are finding they don't
much like some of the things men do when released from social constraints and
expectations. The result? A new breed of ‘Thou shalt nots’---from sexual
harassment policies in the workplace (‘No compliments on hair or dress, if
you know what's good for you’), to the mandatory ‘date rape’ seminars
that greet unsuspecting college freshmen.’ "
To many of our women, like many of our men, are being driven
by their selfishness and inordinate desires. They have no moral stamina. They
willfully ignore traditional family values just to please self. They disrespect
friends and family to gain power and control through their sexual behavior. In
the name of freedom they exploit their bodies and the hearts of other people,
sometimes not even letting the threat of deadly diseases stop them in their
- MEN BEWARE
What a sad but true picture about many of our women today. They are
blinded by self, their need for passion, and perhaps their own inadequacy
to keep a loving relationship. They medicate themselves with sex and love
affairs. Men beware of such women. Do not allow yourselves to be lured
into dark corners of uncertainty. Keep the lights on around you. Protect
your mind and body by being open and honest with yourself and others.
Seductive women, seek help. There are professionals who can help you.
Let’s work together in helping to end this cycle of pain and
abuse in our society.
Are there really anymore good
women? Yes, I am married to one of them.
*Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, is a marriage and
family therapist and board certified clinical
psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
or write to P.O. Box
The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org
or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.