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A Letter from a Royal Bahamian Dog

By Barrington H. Brennen, July 13, 2018

PDF FORMAT    Part 1 



Last week I shared about Royal Bahamian dogs who are determined to do what they know is right and proper— keeping the streets and communities of The Bahamas dirty and nasty.   The article was entitled, “Lesson learned from Royal Bahamian Dogs.”   Interestingly, a so-called sophisticated descendant of a royal canine breed who lives in an under-privileged community where nastiness is not seen or heard of, read the article and sent to me a letter that I must share.    


Here’s what the Royal canine sent to me: “Dear Barrington Brennen, I read your article last week and felt emotionally wounded by what you said.   You seem to believe that all dogs are living in dirty and nasty communities.   I’ve been struggling for years to get out of this neighborhood, but I am on lockdown.   The grass is always green.  The wholesome nasty trash that dogs thrive on is out of sight.  This is keeping some of us underweight and we are losing our dog muscle tone.  I live in an underprivileged canine community and it is really not healthy. 


The humans in my neighborhood send all canines living here to what they call Canine Obedience School.  They say it is to make us more civil and to bring out our true self.  It’s boring and stupid and it is causing us to lose our minds.   What I do not like in this neighborhood is that the humans have already destroyed the important ecosystem between rat and dog.   Rats help hard-working canines like me, to keep the environment stink and nasty, thus creating a healthy, rich environment for our friends, the cockroaches.   I just want to let you know that some of the Royal Bahamian canines in my community have been so brainwashed by humans that they are joining humans in supporting the Government to create more clean communities like this one.  This is outrageous!


I want your readers to know that unlike other privileged canines, I live in a nasty-free community and it is not nice.   Dogs always look and smell clean. They have lost the wholesome gift of nastiness.  There are no royal stink scents in the air from the much-need roadside trash.  There are no gracious flies and bugs. Dogs don’t bark at people passing by.   The humans make us wear collars that stop things from biting us. My friends here have lost the art of daily scratching themselves to sooth the much-need itches caused from friendly ticks that remind us we are truly Royal Bahamian canines.   I need to get out of here.  I need to live a normal dog life where dogs rule and stink and nasty reign.    

Here’s my question:   Would you help me find some Royal Bahamian dogs who live in privileged nasty communities to help me start a movement to change the underprivileged clean communities to nasty privileged communities?  We need to do our best to keep our communities nasty.   Signed by, Mrs. Stuphnous Robertsonian, a Royal canine descendant.


Dear Mrs. Robertsonian, I appreciate your response.  It was not my intention to make a blanket statement that all dogs live in privileged nasty communities.  Some live in far advanced, underprivileged clean communities.  I will certainly do my best to help you organize a movement to change all communities from clean to nasty.   However, it will call for lots of work.  I have a few recommendations.  I will help your form a Clean to Nasty Committee in your area with about eight fellow intellectual canines from a cross-section of breeds.  Also, the committee will need to find ways of having nasty Bahamian canines to penetrate every national committee or board that deals with the environment by becoming members on those boards.  The committee can also persuade humans to support the Clean to Nasty Committee and to become members.  You can also find highly intelligent canines, who can be disguised as humans, to join these committees and boards.  


These committee and boards will include but will not be limited to, the Ministry of Health, Ministry of the Environment and Housing, Environmental Advisory Board, Bahamas Environment Science and Technology Commission (BEST), Bahamas National Trust, The Bahamas Public Parks and Public Beaches Authority, Bahamas Reef Environment Educational Foundation (BREEF) and every neighborhood beautification committee in the country.   Note that we need to get the government to remove all fines and penalties for making areas dirty and add fines and penalties for keeping areas clean and beautiful.


One goal would be to get the Government of The Bahamas to change its misguided emphasis from "Keep The Bahamas Clean, Green and Pristine,” to “Let’s Make The Bahamas Nasty and Dirty Once More.”   It is going to call for determined, creative action and thinking.  Another goal would be to teach all humans how to leave beaches and parks dirty with food and trash after picnics and how to leave piles of nasty, healthy food and trash in front of their homes each night.   We will need to create commercials for television and radio, newspaper ads and road-side banners, and promote our theme on all social media platforms.   A great idea is to select a noble, outstanding, respectable royal canine to run for Parliament in the next general election.  Having a representative in the House of Assembly for the “Let’s Make The Bahamas Nasty and Dirty Once More” campaign will be crucial to the success. 


Making and keeping The Bahamas nasty and dirty is important to the future development of canines for generations to come.  We also have to work on our own dogples.   I am referring to those dogs who have adopted the threatening clean way of living and have abandoned or never be exposed to real, wholesome nasty living.  Therefore Mrs. Robertsonian, I am willing to work with you if you are ready for the hard work ahead.   Together, “Let Make The Bahamas Nasty and Dirty Once More.”



Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com   or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org   or call 242-327-1980






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