I Have Rights Too, Baby!
Question: Dear Sir: I am in a relationship which I am thinking of ending very soon, because my fiancťe is trying to control what I say, where I go, and what I do. It seems as if he is trying to take away my own identity. Should I end the relationship? Signed: In love, but ending it soon.
Answer: Dear Friend, you are certainly right. If you feel your relationship with your fiancee is one that stifles growth and places a tight noose around your neck then you must end it, and end it quickly. I am saying this in the context that when two become one, there is always some give and take. There will always be a need for adjustments of habits, attitudes, and perhaps acceptance of things you might not like at first. However, I hear you talking about an unusual use of power and control which almost always leads to family violence.
In a pre-marriage relationship one has a right:
One of my favorite speakers and writers states that "Love gives the freedom to say yes and the freedom to say no." True love says"I love you the way you are." Abusive love says "I love you the way I want you to be." Dear friend, your fiancťe seems to be displaying the formula for potential abuse. I am glad you are realizing it now because most women tend to turn their heads, deny, or try to change their man. Dr. Len McMillan, Christian psychologist, states that most women marry a man with the idea that she could change him, but he never does. Most men marry a woman with the idea that she will never change, and she does.
ARE YOU BEING ABUSED?
Perhaps it would be good to share more questions one can ask that one may know if a friend or fiancee is abusive.
If your answer is yes to any of these, you are most likely in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship. Therefore, it is wise that you think twice about "living happily together."
ARE YOU BEING ABUSIVE?
It is important for your partner to know if he or she is being abusive. Here are a few questions to consider:
In the Bahamas family violence is a major problem. Too many people are turning their heads to the subtle signs of passive violence that usually manifest early in a romantic relationship. Usually, domestic violence shows its ugly head first in an unsuspecting manner to the love-starved individuals. It is imperative that young people learn the early signs of abuse and to have the courage to end a relationship that is potentially abusive. I hope these were helpful.