I Prefer Experienced Men.
By Barrington H. Brennen, June 2001
Question: Dear Sir, All of my friends are saying that it is better
to marry a man who has some sexual experience than to marry a man who is a
virgin. I am a Christian, I do not believe that. Could you please help me?
Answer: Wow! What a myth. Your friends want men experienced
in what? How to have sex with different sex partners? Any animal can do that. Is
it how to have sex with someone he is not committed to? A drunkard can do that.
When these same sex-driven, passion-seekers enter marriage they soon find out
that having sex with the same partner over and over on a regular bases cannot be
compare to having sex with different persons here and there. My counseling
knowledge and research tells me that experience does not guarantee sexual
compatibility or happiness in marriage. In fact, statistics reveal that
premarital sex usually turns into post marital aberrations (affairs), and is a
much greater risk for marital break-up.
Women who prefer sexually experienced men are making several false
assumptions. The first false assumption is that a sexually experienced man will
provide a guarantee that their sexual needs will be continually satisfied after
marriage. This is a not true. Many men who have been sexually active before
marriage developed poor sexual habits that affect their sex life after marriage.
For example; premature ejaculation. Many man before marriage were satisfying
their own sexual needs and not the needs of their partners. The second false
assumption is that a healthy marriage is based on sexual activity. This is not
so. A healthy married has nothing to do with sex. Sex, on the other had has
something to do with a healthy marriage. In other words, when sex dies because
illness or accident what will happen then to the relationship. The third
false assumption is that real men canít wait to have sex, thus a little
experience before marriage will be a plus to his manhood. How could this be. It
takes a real man to say no and to know the value of waiting. It does not take
much energy to follow the hormones. More power to the men who can keep his pants
up and his sipper close before marriage.
Our first sexual intercourse was a wonderful experience for both my wife and
I. It was our first time. It was our honeymoon night. Never before had I had sex
with another person, neither did my wife. She did not make me feel any less of a
man. We had plenty head knowledge eager to try out after we said "I
do." It was fun, two innocent people exploring Godís wonderful creation
for marital sexual enjoyment. Real men and women can wait. Itís worth the
wait. Three weeks before our wedding night, my father and I went on a long walk,
it was a frank man to man talk. It would be his last time he would talk to me as
a single son. At the end of the conversation he went into Lows Pharmacy and
bought a pack of condoms and gave it to me. I knew all about condoms, but I
never had reason to buy one so he thought to start of the gift giving my giving
me my first pack of condoms. It was the first pack I opened on July 21, 1977,
our wedding night, after the many other packs I received as gifts from other
relatives. Yes, my father bought my first pack of condoms. I was twenty-two
years of age.
The beautiful thing about waiting is that there is no other sexual
experiences or partners one can to compare to. Both parties are starting on equal
plan. Both parties are free to explore and grow. Both parties have equal
opportunities for sexual gratification and satisfaction.
Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, is a marriage and
family therapist and board certified clinical
psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau,
The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org
or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.