Tips for Loving
By Barrington H. Brennen, February 15, 2023
I
like to refer to the month of February as Loving
Month, because right in the center of the month,
February 14th, is Valentine’s Day, which I refer
to as “Lovers’ Day.” Truly, this day is not
enough to share the wonderful blessings of love
and loving. Yesterday, February 14th served as a
special day to focus on the importance of love
and loving. However, celebrating the entire
month as "Loving Month" can add extra sugar and
spice to the joy of loving. For those who missed
yesterday, you still have twelve more days to
catch up.
Sadly, most people only focus on February 14th
to express their love. Truly, we should love
deeply every day. Here are a few points for
loving I have shared over the years.
-
If you have never said “I love you”
without words, the words will make no
sense. This means that the language of
love is far beyond words. Words are only
one vehicle to express love. Love is
expressed through respect, compassion,
understanding, being there, meeting
someone’s needs, coming right home from
work, putting your partner or family
first in your life, and much more.
Hence, if you do not do any of these
things, then saying “I love you” would
be of no use.
-
If you have never said “I love you”
without flowers, the flowers will make
no sense. Many put a lot of money into
purchasing expensive gifts, dinners out,
roses, fine clothing, and jewelry. These
are wonderful things, but if
unconditional loving is not activated,
the flower will be thrown into the trash
bins of anger, disgust, and resentment.
-
This third point is obvious. If you wait
until February 14th to express your
love, then your loving will be in vain.
It will not last. It will be meaningless
and cold.
If you really want to have a spicy Valentine’s
Day or many more days of loving, start today. It
is not too late to do so.
Here are a few suggestions for those
traditional husbands:
-
Come home earlier from work.
-
Wash the dishes and clean the kitchen.
-
Go to bed with your partner at the same
time every night this week and for the
rest of February or the entire year
-
Hug her every morning when you first get
up in the morning for the length of ten
to twenty seconds. This will help to
produce Oxytocin and Vasopressin (The
love hormones).
-
When you come home, ask your partner
what you can do to assist her in the
house.
-
Give her a passionate, ten-second kiss
every day.
-
Dance together (privately in your home)
to the length of one love song. Make
sure to hold each other closely.
-
Surprise her with a meal in bed, even if
you have to purchase a frozen meal or
order one from the restaurant. Pretend
you made it. Serve her the meal like a
caring waiter in a restaurant.
-
Take her out on a date. Do not go to the
movies for this date because someone is
going to fall asleep.
-
Jump into the shower with her and give
her a great back massage with her
favorite body wash.
-
Write her a love letter.
Here are a few suggestions for the wives.
-
Serve your partner breakfast in bed.
-
Put on a sensational negligee each
evening this week.
-
Surprise him with a date out.
-
Write him a spicy, hot, love letter.
-
Make sure to get into bed with him at
the same time.
What can parents do this week to express love
to their children?
-
Take your children on dates between now
and the end of the month. Focus on one
child at a time. If you have four or
more children, it might be a challenge,
so be creative.
-
Tell each child in writing how much you
love him or her, then express it orally
to them
-
Take them to and historical site to
learn about their country.
-
Hug and kiss them before going to bed,
even the older teenagers. 5) Surprise
them by serving them breakfast in bed.
Let us all take advantage of this month to
remind us of the importance of loving each other
all year round. Parents need to understand that
the success of their children’s marriages will
be determined by the way you loved them when
they were young and living under their roofs.
Did they see, feel, hear, and taste love? Or did
they hear, see, and feel pain and misery more
than love? What was your focus? Was it
correcting, blaming, and shaming? Or was it
providing acceptance, unconditional love, and
wise teaching? Did you give more negative
reinforcement than you did positive
reinforcement? If this is the case, start truly
loving your child today.
The family’s love is so important for building
healthy individuals, communities, and a nation.
Poet Josephine Zavala-Florez writes:
“God gave each of us a special family,
that we can call our own.
A family that loves us for who we are
So we would never feel alone.”
I love you all.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family
therapist. Send your comments or questions to
question@soencouragement.org or call
327 1980 or visit
www.soencouragement.org
