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Tips for Loving
By Barrington H. Brennen, February 15, 2023



I like to refer to the month of February as Loving Month, because right in the center of the month, February 14th, is Valentine’s Day, which I refer to as “Lovers’ Day.” Truly, this day is not enough to share the wonderful blessings of love and loving. Yesterday, February 14th served as a special day to focus on the importance of love and loving. However, celebrating the entire month as "Loving Month" can add extra sugar and spice to the joy of loving. For those who missed yesterday, you still have twelve more days to catch up.

Sadly, most people only focus on February 14th to express their love. Truly, we should love deeply every day. Here are a few points for loving I have shared over the years.

  • If you have never said “I love you” without words, the words will make no sense. This means that the language of love is far beyond words. Words are only one vehicle to express love. Love is expressed through respect, compassion, understanding, being there, meeting someone’s needs, coming right home from work, putting your partner or family first in your life, and much more. Hence, if you do not do any of these things, then saying “I love you” would be of no use.

  • If you have never said “I love you” without flowers, the flowers will make no sense. Many put a lot of money into purchasing expensive gifts, dinners out, roses, fine clothing, and jewelry. These are wonderful things, but if unconditional loving is not activated, the flower will be thrown into the trash bins of anger, disgust, and resentment.

  • This third point is obvious. If you wait until February 14th to express your love, then your loving will be in vain. It will not last. It will be meaningless and cold.

If you really want to have a spicy Valentine’s Day or many more days of loving, start today. It is not too late to do so.

Here are a few suggestions for those traditional husbands:

  • Come home earlier from work.

  • Wash the dishes and clean the kitchen.

  • Go to bed with your partner at the same time every night this week and for the rest of February or the entire year

  • Hug her every morning when you first get up in the morning for the length of ten to twenty seconds. This will help to produce Oxytocin and Vasopressin (The love hormones).

  • When you come home, ask your partner what you can do to assist her in the house.

  • Give her a passionate, ten-second kiss every day.

  • Dance together (privately in your home) to the length of one love song. Make sure to hold each  other closely.

  • Surprise her with a meal in bed, even if you have to purchase a frozen meal or order one from the restaurant. Pretend you made it. Serve her the meal like a caring waiter in a restaurant.

  • Take her out on a date. Do not go to the movies for this date because someone is going to fall asleep.

  • Jump into the shower with her and give her a great back massage with her favorite body wash.

  • Write her a love letter.

Here are a few suggestions for the wives.

  • Serve your partner breakfast in bed.

  • Put on a sensational negligee each evening this week.

  • Surprise him with a date out.

  • Write him a spicy, hot, love letter.

  • Make sure to get into bed with him at the same time.

What can parents do this week to express love to their children?

  • Take your children on dates between now and the end of the month. Focus on one child at a time. If you have four or more children, it might be a challenge, so be creative.

  • Tell each child in writing how much you love him or her, then express it orally to them

  • Take them to and historical site to learn about their country.

  • Hug and kiss them before going to bed, even the older teenagers. 5) Surprise them by serving them breakfast in bed.

Let us all take advantage of this month to remind us of the importance of loving each other all year round. Parents need to understand that the success of their children’s marriages will be determined by the way you loved them when they were young and living under their roofs. Did they see, feel, hear, and taste love? Or did they hear, see, and feel pain and misery more than love? What was your focus? Was it correcting, blaming, and shaming? Or was it providing acceptance, unconditional love, and wise teaching? Did you give more negative reinforcement than you did positive reinforcement? If this is the case, start truly loving your child today.

The family’s love is so important for building healthy individuals, communities, and a nation. 

Poet Josephine Zavala-Florez writes:
“God gave each of us a special family,
that we can call our own.
A family that loves us for who we are
So we would never feel alone.”

I love you all.

Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send your comments or questions to question@soencouragement.org  or call 327 1980 or visit www.soencouragement.org





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