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Spiritual Intimacy
Article by Barrington H. Brennen, October 8, 2004, 2021

Too many couples are not enjoying an intense level of intimacy in their marriages.   What is intimacy?  Intimacy is closeness in a relationship, gained by revealing your true self to another person.  Intimacy is the sharing of parts of your life that you should only share with your spouse, whether it is intellectual, spiritual, emotional, or sexual.   To explain further, intimacy includes the sharing of thoughts and ideas that have deep meaning between an individual and another person who is valued highly. To develop an intimate relationship with another person, one must first place oneself in a vulnerable position.

Types of Intimacy
In this series of articles I will share  four types of intimacy.  They are emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual intimacy.   In this article I am focusing on spiritual intimacy, because I feel it is the foundation on which other types of intimacies will flourish. 


Spiritual Intimacy
Let we share with you the concepts of Spiritual Intimacy as presented in the book Stages of Intimacy by Laura Dawn Lewis.    You and your partner have achieved spiritual intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:

1.   When speaking to friends you no longer refer to you and your partner as individuals, you and he/she are we

2.   You introduce each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife.

3.   You both know who you are and have resolved any mental/psychological, addiction and relationship issues from the past.  Codependency does not exist in your relationship.

4.   You have short-term and long-term goals and objectives based upon your relationship.

5.   Your morals and ethics have been articulated to each other and you are in agreement with each other regarding the basic principles that define each of you.  These do not have to match perfectly, however those not in agreement must be tolerable to each partner.

Road Blocks to Spiritual Intimacy
I’ve compiled this list of road blocks to spiritual intimacy. This is not an exhaustive list.  However, it is designed to help you to think about your relationship.   Look carefully and see how do you measure up:
  1. Finances are kept apart. (Separate bank accounts, no family budget, and no joint planning)

  2. Personal goals do not blend.

  3. Worshiping at separate churches.

  4. Sitting in separate pews in church.

  5. Seldom going to fun time events together.

  6. Seldom having family worship together.

  7. Seldom seen in public together.

  8. When making love there must be total darkness.

One Flesh is Marriage
Remember dear friend, intimacy in marriage is when you and your partner have become “one flesh.”  ONE FLESH in marriage encompasses the blending of the physical, emotional, psychological, mental, financial, and spiritual aspects of both husband and wife.    In Genesis 2:2-24 in shares how God made Adam and Eve one flesh:

“22. And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  23. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  24.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Song of Solomon 6:3 presents the one flesh concept with these word:

“I am my lover’s and my lover is mine . . . "   

Are you spiritually intimate?  Dear friend, return next week when I will share more about intimacy in marriage.  INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY 


Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.  Send your questions or comments P.O. Box CB-13019 Nassau, Bahamas or call 1-242-327-1980, or email question@soencouragement.org  








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April 26, 2000, TAGnet / Network Solutions

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