Freeze-dried,
Instant,
Happy Relationships
By Barrington H. Brennen, March 17, 2026
A
young lady named Samantha lived for the day
she would be a bride. Long before she met
her man, she faithfully read all the books
she could, saved her money, and dreamed of
the day she would have a blissful
relationship with Prince Charming. Then the
day came, and she met him. She thought
about how thrilled she would be to iron his
shirts and even plan every little detail of
their home.
When the wedding day arrived, they had the
most exquisite service her community had
ever witnessed. It was beautiful! The
music, the flowers, and the beautiful attire
were all so special. It would certainly be a
day to remember.
The first day
after returning from their wonderful
honeymoon, “Prince Charming” just picked at
his breakfast and said, “I’m sorry, hon, but
I don’t like
Eggs
Benedict.” When he arrived home for lunch
and sat expectantly gazing at the bare
table, he mumbled something about the way
mother always had daddy’s meals right on
time. That evening, he became irritated;
she asked him why he stayed so late at the
office. Prince Charming was treating her
awfully. Her dreams lay shattered. They
never really made it well as a couple.
Were they really realistic dreams? Or were
they dreams based on a false concept of
relationships and marriage? All of us have
our dreams and fancies, just like this young
bride; many of them are unrealistic. This
young bride expected that her dreams and
fancies would be fulfilled right away. She
thought there would be instant maturity.
There are no freeze-dried, instant happy
relationships.
You wonder where she got the idea that
things just happen instantly. As we look
around us today, there are so many things
that are supposed to be “instant.” There is
freeze-dried instant food. Within a few
minutes, you can have a hot steaming meal.
Just add water and boil; they are already
pre-packaged and seasoned. Better still,
the microwave oven will put you on the way
to fast meals.
Sad
to say, many tend to think of their
relationships the same way. There will be
instant happiness and quick joy. It is as
though there is no need for preparation,
patience, learning to understand each other,
etc. Many act as though that will all
happen naturally and instantly. This is
false. When it comes to compatibility in a
relationship, it is imperative to understand
that compatibility is a learned behavior and
asset in the relationship. It takes about
five to fifteen years for most couples to
become compatible.
What is
compatibility?
It is knowing, understanding, and
appreciating each other’s strengths,
weaknesses, philosophies, desires,
idiosyncrasies, goals, aspirations, and
foolishness, and learning how to blend them
into a harmonious understanding and
effective, loving communication. You cannot
develop this instantly. Compatibility also
includes learning your spouse’s language. I
am not talking about The Five Love Languages
by Dr. Gary Chapman. I am simply talking
about how each other use words and
expressions. I have discovered that what
one is hearing is not always what is really
being said. For example, a partner hears a
request for have “cool glass of water.” The
partner brings a glass of water with ice in
it. The one requesting did not ask for ice,
but that is
what he “heard.” Why? Because in his home
he was trained that a cool glass of water
always meant water with ice in it. In his
home or origin the request was always “may I
have a cool glass of water,” and it always
meant that is must have at least one cube of
ice in it.
Certainly, totally learning and
understanding your partner cannot happen
instantly; it takes time. Wise couples make
this time a joyful learning experience.
Traditionally hard and inflexible
individuals make this time a painful period,
which leads to break-ups and sometimes
unnecessary divorce. If only they slowed
down and got rid of instant-dried views of
relationships. If only they took the time
to learn about each other, even though the
mistakes and disappointments. There will be
bumps, hills, valleys, and seemingly
impossible walls to climb over. But patient
couples make it.
A blind girl was on the sidewalk with her
white cane. She used the cane as her eyes.
She was a student from the local school
for the blind. She was to cross the street
by herself. She stood nervously on the
sidewalk. She waited, listening for the
signal sound of moving traffic. When she
thought all was clear, she moved out to
cross the busy highway. She only had to walk
straight ahead, but how can one achieve
“straight” without the luxury of vision?
She angled frighteningly to the left,
directly toward the path of the fast-moving
traffic.
She stopped. She stopped because her ears
told her that she was dangerously off
course. Her teacher was standing a few feet
behind her, but did not say a word. The
blind student stood in the middle of the
street, in the utter blackness of her
affliction, completely disoriented. This
time, she angled off to the right and
stumbled against the fender of a waiting
car. She stood for a heartbreaking moment
in the middle of the street, then felt her
way back to the sidewalk to try again. She
waited for the light and moved with a flaw
across the street in front of the waiting
cars. She made it. Her teacher immediately
jumped forward, ran to her and hugged her.
She was successful. She had to stumble, run
into things, get lost, suffer if she was to
be free. If the teacher had helped her, she
would never have learned.
Dear couples, it is the same with all
relationships. You cannot be instantly
perfect. There is no instant, freeze-dried
relationship. You must take the time and
enjoy doing so.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and
family therapist. Send your comments or
questions to
info@soencouragement.org or visit
www.soencouragement.org, or call 1 242
327 1980
