My
Journey to Healing
Written by Gerard A. Brennen
The son of Barrington and Annick Brennen
He speaks from the heart
May 18, 2025
This is a personal post — a reflection on
grief, heartbreak, and the hard-won lessons
of self-love. I’m sharing it because I know
some of you have been through it, or maybe
you’re going through it now.
To be clear: I didn’t learn these lessons on
my own. I read books, went to therapy, had
deep conversations, and did a lot of
soul-searching. I also watched close friends
struggle through the same patterns — the
same heartbreak, the same feelings. That
shared experience helped me process mine.
What am I talking about?
The grief that follows the end of a
long-term relationship — especially when
you’re the one who was left. There’s a
particular feeling I’ve heard over and over
again, one I’ve felt myself:
“They’ll regret losing me.”
“I’ll show them what they gave up.”
It’s a natural response. That thought comes
from a deep need for validation — to affirm
that we were valuable, worthy, and good. But
I’ve come to realize:
It’s not a healthy place to stay.
Those thoughts are often rooted in anger and
bargaining, two of the five stages of grief.
And while it’s okay to pass through those
stages, staying stuck in them can be
destructive. I’ve seen it firsthand —
friends holding onto anger for 10+ years,
still hoping their ex will “learn a lesson.”
Watching this helped me reflect and realize:
It’s not my job to teach anyone a lesson.
What matters most is what I learn.
It’s not about them. It’s about me.
I had to learn to love myself, to invest my
time and energy in people who see me, value
me, and reciprocate.
I had to stop demonizing someone who simply
wasn’t right for me. There was no villain.
No betrayal. Just misalignment — in values,
love languages, and life paths.
I’m now a few years out from the breakup —
and I’ve come a long way.
I’m in the stage of acceptance, and I can
finally say: "It wasn’t quick. It wasn’t easy. But I got
here."
I remember the early days of grief like they
were yesterday:
-
The shock of separation followed strangely
by a moment of peace.
-
Walking to catch the bus to work, only to
turn around, unable to hold the emotional
weight.
-
Starting a new job the same week as the
breakup, doing breathing exercises in quiet
moments just to stay functional.
-
Fighting every day to stay grounded — for
my sons, for my responsibilities, for
myself.
One of the best tools that helped me was a
book my mother recommended:
“How to Fix a Broken Heart” by Guy Winch.
It opened my eyes to how heartbreak rewires
the brain. We ruminate. We romanticize. We
get addicted to our ex, even if the
relationship was failing. He calls
heartbreak one of the most painful
experiences we’ll ever go through — and I
believe him.
But I also learned:
And if you’re supporting someone grieving,
be patient. They may struggle longer than
expected. They’ll have setbacks. And if you
are the one grieving, remember:
Don’t carry it alone, but also don’t become
a burden. Therapy helps. Community helps.
But ultimately, your healing is your
responsibility.
Here’s what I know now:
-
Self-love isn’t a vibe — it’s a
practice.
-
It’s giving your energy to those who
meet you with care and depth.
-
It’s releasing resentment toward
someone who simply couldn’t love you
the way you needed.
-
It’s accepting that not everyone is
meant to walk with you forever.
I will always love the mother of my
children. That love will never disappear —
it just looks different now. And I’m proud
to say my heart is open again. Open to
loving someone new, or to walking alone in
peace. Whatever comes next, I’ve learned
that real love evolves — and the most
important love is the one you give yourself.
If you’ve made it this far and anything here
resonated with you, I’d love to hear your
story. Drop a comment or DM me. Not everyone
is comfortable talking about heartbreak
publicly, but I am. There’s no shame in
having loved deeply — or in having the
courage to heal, move on, and love again.
Much love to anyone walking this road.
You’re not alone.
gerardbrennen@gmail.com
