Don't Be Fooled, Flowers Aren't Enough -- Article by Barrington H. Brennen
Don’t Be Fooled, Flowers Aren’t Enough
By Barrington H. Brennen   (c) February 6, 2002, 2017



If you think that giving flowers on Valentine’s Day is all you need to do to keep the love hot between you and your spouse, then you are totally misguided. Flowers aren’t enough. Your spouse wants all of you–your time, mind, and body.

Flowers are a wonderful way of expressing love and appreciation to your lover. However, the giving of flowers is not the acid test for warm loving relationships. It is how you honor and cherish your spouse through the time spent together, and then appreciative words you utter other times of the year. It is also listening to, and valuing your spouse’s opinions and ideas. It is being there for your spouse, especially when the chips are down. It is placing the relationship with your spouse above all other relationships–career, friends, relatives, church.

Flowers are often used to hide or whitewash adulterous behaviors. It would be stupid for a woman to accept flowers from her unfaithful husband as a peace offering and not require a change of his adulterous behavior. Some men spend hundreds of dollars on Valentine’s Day sending flowers to their wives and "sweethearts" at the same time.

The old Valentine’s adage is "Say it With Flowers." What are these men saying with flowers? The truth is that you cannot truly say "I love you" with flowers if you never said it without flowers. Flowers are worthless when on-going discontentment is in the marriage. On many Valentines, I have been unable to afford floral arrangements for my wife. However, she appreciated greatly my romantic letters, hand-picked yard flowers, hand-make cards, breakfast in bed, etc.

Some women foolishly accept the dozens of roses during Valentine simply because they know it cost lots of money. It makes them feel good to know that their lovers are spending so much money on them. They ignore the pain simply because of the price on the tag. With their eyes open, they are being led to the slaughter where their hearts are systematically being tortured by their partner’s unfaithfulness and dishonesty. Their body is being subjected sexually transmitted diseases, at times life threatening, simply because of the price of the flowers. If flowers alone keep you in a sexual relationship with an unfaithful man, then you are cheap, cheap.

Many spouses are angry when they receive flowers from their partners on Valentine’s Day. This is because they know their spouses are just trying to whitewash the problems between them and refuse to change their behavior. We need more husbands and wives who can say it with words before they say it with flowers. On this Valentine’s Day, be there for your spouse. Say it with words, not just flowers.





Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA.  Send your questions or comments to  or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit  or call 242-327-1980.   Photos are from The professional photo site with open license.



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