Don’t Be Like Catherine
Tips for Unmarried Females
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A
young girl named Catherine lived for the day she
would be a bride. Long before she met her man,
she faithfully read all the books she could,
saved her money, and dreamed of that day and her
blissful relationship with Prince Charming.
Then the day came when she met him. She thought
about how thrilled she would be to iron his
shirts and how she would plan every little
detail of their home. When the wedding day
arrived, they had the most exquisite service the
little town had ever witnessed. Oh! It was
sweet!
The first day after they returned from the
honeymoon, Prince Charming just picked at his
breakfast and said, “I’m sorry, Honey, but I
don’t like Eggs Benedict.” When he arrived
home for lunch and sat expectantly gazing at the
bare table, he mumbled something about how his
mother always had his daddy’s meals on time.
Later that evening, he became irritated again
when she asked why he had stayed at the office
so late. Her dreams lay shattered. Prince
Charming was treating her awfully. They did not
last long. It ended in a bitter divorce in less
than two years.
Why did the marriage fail? Were her
expectations realistic? Was she properly
prepared for a marriage relationship? Did she
have a false idea that happiness would
instantaneously happen in a romantic
relationship? If so, she was brutally wrong. In
this modern world individuals must be prepared
to enter a lifelong romantic relationship.
Keep in mind that there is no instant happiness
in a romantic relationship. It has to be
cultivated and nurtured. Then, there are
important things that must be in place first
before entering a romantic relationship. I am
addressing females in this article. Why? They
seem to be the ones to get wounded first in most
relationships, and one of the reasons might be
how they are raised as females in the home.
Hence, here are a few points I want all
never-married singles to think about.
-
Make
sure you are emotionally mature and
ready to be in a relationship.
If you are between
the ages of sixteen to twenty, there is
a likelihood that you are not
emotionally ready for a life-long
relationship. You are not truly an
emotional or psychological adult yet.
Adulthood begins between the ages 21 and
25. Do not entangle yourself in one too
soon.
-
Make
sure you do not need a partner before
you enter a relationship.
If you
need a man to love because you need to
get out of your parents’ home, you will,
undoubtedly, have a miserable
relationship with that person. You will
be used and abused. If you are wounded
female, your woundedness will cripple
the relationship. You may not
experience it at first, but some time
soon you will, and you will feel
trapped. Ensure all wounds of the past
have been healed before entering a
romantic relationship.
-
Do not
have sex on your first, second, third,
fourth, fifth or sixth date, etc.
Sex destroys objectivity. It can
befuddle the mind. Doing so you will be
selling yourself cheaply, and it would
be difficult to wisely evaluate your
feelings and even admit you are being
wounded all over again. Do not allow
your sex drive to determine your heart
or head drive. Use your brain and not
your libido.
-
Do not
sit and wait for years for your partner
to ask you to marry him.
Remember you have the power to decide.
It is false to believe that the man is
to direct your heart. You are in charge
of your own heart. In healthy
relationships, both partners
literally
talk themselves into
marriage. It is a natural conversation
that leads to the altar. If you go
the old-fashioned way, note that the
phrase “Will you marry me?” is not just
a question. It is a statement of
affirmation. In other words, in healthy
relationships, it is not a surprising
question. Both would have had many
conversations about getting married and
what their expectations would be. In
fact, there are some couples who have
never asked the question. They simply
agree to get married.
-
This is
a big one. Do not have long
engagements.
Engagement is the time to prepare for
marriage and should last only six months
to about a year. Engagement is actually
a date to marry. If there is no date to
marry, there is no engagement. You will
only be engaged to be engaged. Far too
many females sit and wait for the man to
decide what to do next. Note that in
romantic relationships, you have equal
voice, vote, and authority. Learned how
to become truly partners.
If you take the time to grow and become mature
before getting romantically entangled, there is
a better chance you will have a life-long
romantic relationship. Please remember,
ladies, do not give your body before you give
your heart. The giving of your heart takes
time, plenty of time. You do not want to end up
like Catherine in our story.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family
therapist. Send your questions or comments to
question@soencouragement.org , or call 477
4002 to visit
www.soencouragement.org
