Did Your Child Run Away?
By Barrington H. Brennen, August 11, 2025
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Dear parents, did your child run away? If your
child runs away, do not run after him or her.
Yes, please, do call the police. That is the
right thing to do. Think about this question.
Did your child run from something, or to
something? Do you realize that many children
who run away are running away from something,
rather than to something? They are running from
pain, confusion, and dysfunction in the homes
they live in, which should be a haven of rest.
Note this American research cited in the article
“Darkness to Light” by Anna Warner. What is
written here, I have also gleaned from
interviews with former runaway teens in The
Bahamas. “Running away can be an escape. An
adolescent may be experiencing bullying, abuse,
mental health difficulties, lack of
understanding and acceptance, or a host of other
risk factors at home. Research from National
Runaway Safeline shows that youth who contacted
them for assistance listed emotional abuse,
physical abuse, and sexual abuse among the
reasons why they reached out. Similarly,
according to the National Center for Missing &
Exploited Children, sexual abuse is considered a
potential risk factor when it comes to children
running away from home. This reinforces the fact
that children and youth often run away due to
abuse, or if their home feels unsafe.”
Now you understand why I asked the question,
“Did your child run away from something?” And
would that something be the emotional and verbal
abuse, disrespect, abrasiveness, and sometimes
death threats, he or she has experienced in the
home? Would it be fair to say that teens
running away is evidence of dysfunctional
homes? Homes where parents rule by a rod of
iron and not arms of love.
Truthfully, I am saddened each time the Marco
Alert goes off on my phone. Sometimes the alert
occurs almost daily or several times a week. I
feel the pain for the parent and the child. I
do not know the reasons for each alert, but each
alert does raise concerns as a mental health
professional, having worked with so many parents
and teens.
Sadly, sexual abuse is also one reason some run
away from their homes. Here is a quote about a
teen's experience from the article mentioned
earlier. “I was born to a schizophrenic mother.
She was not able to care for me because of her
mental illness so I was placed with my aunt. I
started being sexually abused by some adult
cousins in the household at the age of four.”
This child eventually ran away. This scenario
has been shared with me far too often by teens
and even adults.
Here are other reasons children run away from
home, according to the “Parent Easy
Guide.” Some children run away because:
-
There’s a disagreement on something they
feel strongly about. Running away can be
a ‘spur of the moment’ act following an
argument.
-
They may have intense feelings about
something, and like anyone experiencing
strong emotions, may have trouble
communicating or negotiating what they
want
-
They might believe that running away
will make parents realize they’ve made a
mistake
-
They’re afraid they’re about to get into
trouble
-
They think their home has too many rules
and limits - they want to find somewhere
else to live.
-
They
don’t like the situation at home with a
parent’s new partner, step-parent,
defacto or stepbrothers and sisters.
-
They’re trying to get away from a
difficult situation, e.g., bullying at
school.
-
They’re depressed, have a drug or mental
health problem and need help.
-
Home isn’t safe or there’s something
serious going wrong in their lives, e.g.
parents continually arguing, family
violence, or they’re being physically or
sexually abused or neglected.
For whatever reason, some teens genuinely feel
unwanted and unloved at home. More work needs
to be done to educate parents on how to be more
responsive, caring, and loving, yet maintain a
balance of discipline and structure in the
home. The many years of authoritarian parental
style have not facilitated the growth of a
responsive, caring approach to parenting. Thus,
we have this chaos.
On the other hand, I do not want to ignore the
reality that there are defiant children and even
some with conduct disorders. However, the tips
for dealing with defiant children still lean
towards the impactful role of wise parenting.
For example, here are a few
tips for dealing
with defiant children. Notice the serious role
of the parent. Establish
common ground.
One of the major reasons why you and your child
are at odds is that you highlight the
differences between yourselves. Make a list of
things upon which you can agree; the common
ground. This is a brilliant way to start. It
lays the foundation to remove the defiance and
establish trust and goodwill. 2. Remove the
control battle. A defiant teenager will
often see their situation as being them and me.
The them being his or her parents. The issue of
control or who is the boss should be downplayed.
Teenagers are not children, even if they behave
badly. They are young adults, and working
together is a far better option than a boss [the
parent] ordering the child around. 3.
Encourage mutual respect. Love is at the
heart of all good relationships, but respect is
not far behind. Sometimes, telling your teenager
you love them will not cut the ice. Aim for the
time being for respect, and that’s mutual
respect. As a parent, show clearly that you
respect your teenager. Give them respect and
certain freedoms, and in no way mistreat them.
From respect, love may well recover. 4. Solve
problems together. Defiance often comes when
problems surface. Don’t see a problem as a
problem. See it as a way to build cooperation.
You and your child can solve the problem
together. Work as a team. 5. Forget about
winners and losers. If the parent sees the
conflict as a test, a chance for them to prove
that they deserve respect and have authority
over the child, then disaster beckons. You may
well be making a bad situation worse. Don’t try
to win. 6. Forget them and concentrate on
you. There is a possibility that the
unacceptable behavior by the teenager is linked
to the behavior of their parent. That’s you.
Start by asking yourself a series of questions.
Are you being reasonable? What is the point of
view expressed by my child? What can I change
about my life that will help my teenager?
No parent wants a defiant teenager. Every parent
wants a happy and responsible child who is part
of a loving family. But so many teenagers fall
out with their parents. Parents, take your time
to understand and love your teens. Make sure
your home is a safe place for your child to come
home each day.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family
therapist. Send your questions or comments to
question@soencouragement.org
or call 1 242 327 1980 or visit
www.soencouragement.org
