- This is the influence friends, family, society and your own psyche
place upon you that give the message "You should be in a
relationship, and if youíre not something is wrong with you." Key
questions to ask would be a) Are most of your friends part of a couple, but
you are still single? b) Are you unmarried and over thirty? c) Are you the
last person in your family to "settle down?" d) Are you recently
divorced? In our society we can really heap lots of pressure on unmarried
family members and friends. It is time that we leave them alone and learn to
appreciate and value their singleness.
and Desperation - Too
many individuals only get married because they are desperate or lonely. Dr.
Angelis is right when she says "when you are feeling lonely or
desperate, you are much more likely to make poor love choices and end up in
unfulfilling relationships." A lonely and desperate person will remain
lonely after marriage. Some people are so emotionally empty that they are
desperate for anyone to marry. In the end these persons end up in a painful
Hunger - Some people are so sexually driven
that they end up seeking someone to care for but in reality, they want sex
more than long-lasting intimate relationships. Some people act as if they are
"on heat" like dogs, and during those times they find a lover to
share their passion. Sometimes the passion remains until the wedding day, but
after the wedding day it diminishes into the abyss of frustration and pain.
From Your Own Life - Many get married not
because they have found the right person "but as an excuse to avoid
their own life." Evaluating the following statements may help you know
whether you are avoiding dealing with your own life?
I have a history of
I donít go for long
periods of time without being in a relationship
The relationships I
get involved in are very time-consuming.
When Iím in a
relationship, I devote less time to my own interests and friends.
As a rule I donít
enjoy spending time alone, and would rather be with other people
I find it easier to
motivate others to solve their own problems than to motivate my self to
solve my own.
"Some people have
relationships because they are bored with the lack of passion and purpose in
their own lives, and rather than looking within to find out why they feel
that way, they get involved in a love affair and make that their
Avoid Growing Up - This is a really big one in our
country. There are too many people who enter marriage simply because they
want to be "taken care of." These persons usually become dependant
emotionally on those they love. This kind of relationship can usually be
identified when a) there is a big age difference between partners. b) there
is a big difference in financial and professional success. c) there is a big
contrast in life experience level between the partners.
- There are many who remain in a pre-marriage relationship because
they are afraid what might happen if they left. They may feel guilty to leave
because they did not treat the person as nicely as the person treated them.
"When you decide to be with someone out of guilt and not love, you are
ripping them and yourself off."
Fill Up Your Emotional and Spiritual Emptiness - Dr.
Angelis clearly writes: "If you have deep places of emptiness within
you, no partner, regardless of how much they love you, will be able to fill