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Question: Dear Sir: I know of many wives who find it difficult to leave an abusive husband. Last week you explained why that is so. I do not understand, however why men would stay with abusive wives. Wouldn’t it be easier for men to leave? Why do men stay in abusive relationships? Answer: Dear Reader: Thank you for your question. Many of us would not want to admit that many men, living with abusive wives, find it difficult to leave the relationship. Yes, statistically there are more abusive husbands than there are abusive wives. We also know that men are more prone to controlling and violence than women are. However, we also know that there are some women who, without reason, are belligerent, angry, and violently aggressive. Their husbands do not know what to do to please them. These wives are unashamedly very loud and boisterous, excessively critical, mostly emotionally but sometimes physically abusive. Yes, men can be abused, too, and not because they are "wimps." Although the situation is somewhat different and usually involves mostly emotional abuse, and even though it is usually easier - financially speaking–for a man to leave the relationship, men often stay for various reasons. In a world where so much is expected of men (unreasonably so), and where the men are traditionally raised to be the controllers of things and people, most men are ashamed to admit that their wives are beating them up. Why then do they stay? Let me share with you five reasons, according to writer Nora Pina, why men stay in abusive relationships. I will add one more reason at the end of the list.
Theologian Dr. John Temple Bristow, in his book "What the Bible Really Says About Love, Marriage, and Family," speaks about the mistranslations of the words. Many interpret the passage to mean that since men are to "rule" let’s raise them to be strong and in charge. Since women are to "desire" their husbands, let’s raise them to be submissive and quiet. Hence, our society has gone mad as a result of a misunderstanding of two simple words in the Bible--desire and rule. Dr. Bristow points out that the Hebrew word translated "desire," or "teshuqah," is neither pleasant nor a romantic word. The word "teshuqah" was wrongly translated "desire." Teshuqah is "an insatiable desire to control a person. Eve was told that Adam would rule over her and that she would "desire" him, meaning that she would want to control him. He would be domineering, yes, and she would also be manipulative, cunning and controlling. Each of them, man and woman, would try to control the other." This understanding explains the mess we have in relationships today. Not every woman tries to control her man, just as not every man tries to do the same. It must be clearly understood that these verses are only explaining the consequences of the bad choices Adam and Eve made, and not what God had planned for them. This is the "curse of sin." God sent his Son Jesus to remove the "curse of sin" through His death on the cross. If we accept Him as our Savior, we are no longer condemned by the curse of sin. Then, as sinners saved by grace, neither man nor woman should control or abuse each other.
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