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When Parents Nurture, Children Blossom Part 1

Barrington H. Brennen, 2003

Part 1   Part 2

 

Barrington Brennen

April is Child Abuse Month in the Bahamas. It is a time to reflect on ways we cause pain and suffering to or little darlings, and a time to remind ourselves of the value and joy of childhood. The theme for this month is "When parents nurture, children blossom?" I love this theme because it speaks to the heart of the child abuse problem in our country-–the lack of parents who nurture their children.

What is the meaning of nurture? The Random House Webster’s College Dictionary defines nurture as "to feed and protect or support and encourage." It also defines it as "something that nourishes." These definitions clearly illustrate that parents are to create an environment for their children to grow physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, to the point where the children themselves can begin nurturing others. We can understand this when we observe a plant that is being "nurtured." First there is the seedling that receives the right amount of sunlight, water, and fresh air to allow it to grow. The "nurturing" must continue through the life of the plant. However, the plant dose not remain a seedling, it becomes an "adult plant" that bears delicious fruits. The quality of the fruit depends on the health of the "mother tree." This is an illustration of effective parenting.

THEY DID NOT ALWAYS LOVE
Unfortunately, too many Bahamian parents do not nurture their children. They treat them like ground-scratching chickens to whom they throw crumbs for food but really prefer that they scratch for their own food. Other parents treat their children like they do the wild Bahamian potcake dogs–keep them chained, and if they bark too much, they throw hot water on them to quiet them. When they are hungry, they feed them the junk of the kitchen. If they survive, then they are valuable to invest in. I am sorry if my illustrations are too graphic and seemingly unrealistic to some readers. This is because I really want you to get the reality of what is happening to our "little darling." If you think these illustrations are unrealistic, read on as I examine history to see how children were treated centuries and decades ago.
 
FEAR OF CHILDREN
Before 1760 children were at best unimportant and at worst aroused fear in mothers and fathers. Nurture was in fact a foreign word to parents. It was not until 1762 when the French educator Jean Jacques Rousseau, with the publication "Emile" who crystallized the idea of the modern family–the family founded on mother love.

As late as the seventeenth century philosophers and theologians showed a real fear of childhood. St Augustine words on the value of children are frightening to read. French author, Elizabeth Badinter, in her book Mother Love, Myth & Reality, describes St. Augustine’s philosophy about children this way:

"As soon as the child is born, he is the symbol of the power of evil, an imperfect being crushed by the weight of original sin . . . . . The infant is ignorant, capricious, and driven by passion. If left to do what he wants, there is no crime he will not plunge into . . . . A child could be accused of the foulest sins and condemned according to adult standards. For Augustine the sin of a child was no way different from the father’s neither in kind nor in degree. . . . Not only is childhood without value or unique characteristics, it is the sign of our fallen condition, that which places us under the sentence of damnation from which we must free ourselves. Redemption is taken to be the struggle against childhood; that is the setting aside of a negative and fallen state."

What a poor concept of childhood. Believe it or not we took centuries to shake off this concept, and it seems as if we are still shaking. Literature makes it clear that two hundred years ago the child was considered a nuisance. In addition, a child was considered no more valuable than a "poupart" or talented doll. Eighteen century writer, Jean-Pierre de Crousaz, described parents’ behavior this way:

"You treat your children as they themselves treat their dolls. You amuse yourself with them as long as they are entertaining and naive and say cute things. But as soon as they grow older and become more serious, they no longer interest you. You cast them aside like a doll."

It is a fact that centuries ago children had to survive early childhood. It was truly the survival of the fittest. Thousands of children died of childhood diseases because it was not important to learn about these diseases. When a child reached the age of eleven, he or she was thrust into adulthood with serious adult responsibilities. No one understood the meaning of childhood. Not even the word adolescence was in the vocabulary. There were only two developmental stages-–childhood, and if you’re lucky to survive, adulthood. Do you realize that it was not until 1872 that the term "pediatrics" was coined. Before that, doctors were not interested in children.

WET NURSES
One of the most painful ways in which parents of centuries ago treated their children was by sending them away to "wet nurses" when they were born. Wet nurses were women (not mothers) who breast-fed infants. There were many wet nurse centers all over Europe. In 1780 there were 21,000 children born in Paris France. Fewer than 1000 were nursed by their mothers. The remaining 19,000 were sent to wet nurses up to 125 miles away. Many times these children did not return to their mothers until long after they were able to walk. So much for nurture and a mother’s love.

Are we any different today? How many Bahamian parents send their children to grand parents to live in the family island simply because they are "a little too much to handle?" "Can a mother forget her child at the breast . . .? She has been doing that for centuries.

It taught that children got in the way of personal pleasure and peace. They were considered pests. Two centuries ago a Father Dainville wrote "Everything concerned with the education of children, with natural feelings, seems something low to the common people . . . Our customs are that a father and a mother do not raise their children, do not see them anymore, do not nourish them. We have not reached the point of being moved at the sight of them; they are objects that one conceals from the eyes of all, and a woman would not be keeping up appearances if she seemed to concern herself with them." This poem by the author Coulanges speaks to this:

"Was there ever anything less charming
Than a heap of wailing babies?
One says papa, the other mama,
And the other cries for his darling.
And if you take this one
You’re treated like a dog."

Part 2

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Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.  Send you comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or call 1242-327-1980  or visit www.soencouragement.org

 

 

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Permission is granted place links to these articles on social media like Google+, FaceBook, etc..    Permission is also granted to print these pages and to make the necessary copies for your  personal use, friends,  seminar, or meeting handout.  You must not sell for personal gain, only to cover the cost to make copies if necessary.    Written permission (email) is needed to publish or reprint articles and materials in any other form.   Articles written by Barrington H. Brennen, Counseling Psychologist, Marriage & Family Therapist.  P.O. Box CB-13019,  Nassau, The Bahamas.   
 
 question@soencouragement.org or barringtonbrennen@gmail.com  Phone contact is 242-327 1980.   
 
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