When a Man is Raped Part 2
H. Brennen, November 20, 2012
The American statistics on male rape are alarming. It
leaves us to wonder what would be the facts in
our country if we kept such statistics. According to the
U.S. Justice Department, “one in every 10 rape victims is
male. According to the US study, about three percent of
American men (2.78 million) have been the victim of an
attempted or completed rape. Around 60 percent of these men
identify as gay or bisexual” (Online news writers, Matt
Comer and David Stout). I hope these statistics have
dispelled the myth that only females or homosexual males are
The many stories about male rape are equally painful. Men
who are raped experience similar emotional pain as
females—anger, denial, frustration, depression, suicidal
ideations, confusion, etc. Some are physically wounded for
life. Let me share (with permission) two stories of male
John was a 21-year-old virgin male. He was a great athlete
and a popular student leader in high school. He was full of
energy, good looking, and had a contagious smile. He loved
attending parties, but not those where alcohol and sexual
dancing was the norm. He did not drink or smoke or use
illegal drugs of any kind. He lived with his parents and
sisters in an urban community where there were lots of
laughter, fun, and respect for each other. One of his
personal goals was to wait until he got married before he
engaged in sexual activity. This all changed one night when
he made a wrong decision.
John had a friend who frequented gay bars and would
constantly invite him to go with him for parties, but John
always refused. On the night in question, John gave in.
“Just this once” he said to himself. He said he would just
sit and make new friends and see if he can have some fun.
The night started out okay. The homosexuals he met were
respectful and did nothing to make him feel uncomfortable.
But as the night grew older, the crowd changed and got
noisier. One strange man he was introduced to, who seemed
to be friendly, offered him a drink and began sharing with
him, in a very non-threatening way, about his life. About
thirty minutes later John began to feel dizzy and what
happened next he knew nothing about. John woke up the
following morning at about 4 a.m. in a hotel room from the
weight of another many lying on top of him. John was
raped. This changed his life. By the time he reached age
21, he wondered whether or not he was homosexual. He
started down a slippery road of promiscuity with both males
and females. The pain of the night was too great. He
began to use alcohol and drugs and became very depressed and
The story has a great ending. By the age of 35 John was
tired and frustrated with his life. With the help of
individual psychotherapy and rekindling his faith in Jesus,
he stabilized his life, got married, and is now living a
productive, healthy lifestyle.
John did not need to get married to prove he was healed.
That was the path God had chosen for him. Sharing about
being raped as a man is still painful, but his story,
although more extensive than what I am sharing in this
article, has helped men to find peace within.
Robert was raised in a Christian home but always felt that
he was not a “normal child.” At an early age he found
himself attracted to other boys sexually, although he never
mentioned it to anyone. By the time he finished high school
he was certain that he was gay and began exploring that
lifestyle. It wasn’t long before he realized that the
lifestyle he had chosen was not free of emotional pain,
anger, abuse, jealousy, frustration, etc. Although he had
his ups and downs, he remained faithful to his partners.
Yes, by some expectations, Robert was not a “normal male”.
Unfortunately, his effeminate tendencies seem to attract
suitors who were not friendly or nice. Then one night, four
strong homosexual men, gang raped him in a parking lot. Each
one taking his turn inflicting pain that felt like it went
on for hours. It was hours of helplessness and
hopelessness. Robert said “it felt like being pushed
against his will in a dark deep hole and trying to scratch
his way out but constantly being pushed back.”
Pain, anger, rage, hatred, frustration—all collided in a
heart that only sought love and peace. Robert was free to
be a homosexual, but no one should be violated the way he
was, regardless of one’s sexual orientation. No one. Today
Robert still feels the pain. The physical scars from that
night will never go away. He lives one day at a time with a
sense of inner of peace and healing.
Why are people so mean, angry, and violent? Yes, many of
us do believe that the homosexual lifestyle is a sin, but
the Christian must speak out against such behavior.
Everyone, of all sexual orientations, should be free to live
in a world of peace and harmony. Dear reader, what are you
going to do today to make that happen?
Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send
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