I am deeply proud and
honored to introduce to you the four women in my life. They are special and
important in making me feel like a real man. Yes, I do have four of them. They
are my Sweetheart, Lover, Girl Friend and Wife. The most exciting thing about
these four women is that they all have the same name–Annick. Yes they do! The
truth is they are not four different individuals, but one individual joining me
in the four aspects of a loving relationship.
In every marriage each
partner should be the wife/husband, lover, sweetheart, and friend to their mate.
Let me explain.
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MY FRIEND
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The girl/boy friend term describes
the friendship aspect of a healthy
marital relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend. A friend is
someone with whom you enjoy doing simple and everyday things. You enjoy
being in each other’s presence and feel comfortable sharing ideas and
thoughts together. Is your partner your number 1 friend? Whenever other
friends take the place of the spouse’s friendship, the marriage is on
shaky ground.
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MY LOVER
The Lover aspect describes the
intimacy
of the marriage. Intimate partners have a deep emotional,
spiritual, social, and sexual connection. Intimacy is the sharing of parts
of your life that you should only shared with your spouse, whether it is
intellectual, spiritual, emotional or sexual. Intimacy involves sharing
your joys and your pains, your wants and your likes, your agreements and
disagreements.
MY SWEETHEART
The Sweetheart aspect of marriage is
the romance in the relationship. This
involves the tender things spouses do to and with each other every day to
show how much they love each other. Spouses need to work hard at keeping
the romance spicy in the relationship because it is the one aspect of
marriage that than easily fade away and easily destroy it.
MY WIFE/HUSBAND
The term Wife or Husband describes
the long-term companionship, covenantal and contractual aspects (legal) of the
relationship. This may seem to be an obvious term, but in practice it isn’t
so.
Unfortunately not all wives/husbands are true companions.
Companionship involves total commitment to the marriage. It also involves
being physically present in the marriage. Too many spouses are living
permanently in different islands or countries and yet say that they are
committed partners. They may be married but they are certainly not
companions. Companionship is the "being there" in a
relationship.
Total Commitment
Couples would tell you that what
really keeps happy marriages together is
commitment. It is not a superficial
kind of commitment. It is is total
commitment. Read "Is
commitment enough?" Parts 1 and 2
Total commitment
has three components:
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Commitment to
the marriage itself. That's the
covenantal and contractual aspects (legal)
of the relationship.
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Commitment to making the marriage work.
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Commitment to each other and making it
happy. (Commitment
to both marriage, happiness, and the spouse)
There are some couples who are only committed to
remaining legally married but who are putting no
effort into the happiness of the marriage.
They are only together for logistical reasons,
afraid or ashamed to divorce, etc.
They many not even have big arguments and live
together under mutual understanding, but they
are really not happy. The public will not
know that they do not have sex or sleep in the
same bed. Some of these couples stay
together until the death of a partner, fooling
the public that all is well.
We do know that other components are needed for
keeping a marriage hot, but total commitment
stands at the top. Here is the
Brennen’ s Eight Basic Ingredients
(Attitudes) for a Healthy Romantic
Relationships
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Total commitment to keeping the
marriage happy (See above).
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Having a non-judgmental attitude.
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Humility. Willingness to adjust. A
teachable spirit. Lead together.
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Knowing and understanding each
other’s needs and knowing how to
meet them.
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Effective communication and good
conflict resolution skills.
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Listening with the heart and not
just with the ears. Listening with
understanding.
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Being a committed spouse, each
other's intimate friend, lover and
sweetheart.
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Having a harmonious couple financial
plan. The budget pays the bills, not
the individual.
Things to Do:
Permanent Features or Habits in Your
Romantic Relationship
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Have a date night once a week. (At
home or out)
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Check in at a local hotel for one
night once or twice a year.
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Have at least one or two weeks’
vacation each year with each other.
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Kiss for at least 5 to 20 seconds
each day. This is deep wet kissing.
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Make one general compliment about
your spouse every day at any time.
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While winding down for the night,
make a specific compliment about
something your spouse did that day.
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Show appreciation to your spouse at
least once every day.
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Hug each other when you first see
each other in the morning for 20
seconds.
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Make love at least once a week.
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Have daily family/couple devotion
(if you are religious).
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Dance together occasionally in your
home (while hold each other closely)
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Spend time having fun together at
least once a week.
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Go to bed the same time at least
three nights a week.
How do you measure up?
Do you have four
men/women in your life? If you are only a husband or wife and not a friend,
lover and sweetheart, your marriage is in trouble. You cannot become a lover,
sweetheart and friend by simply talking about it. You have to do something about
it. Maybe you need to simply change your attitude first. Then you need to start
treating your spouse as nicely as you treat your own body. What a difference
that will make!
Yes I do have four women in my life: wife, lover, sweetheart,
and girlfriend. The other women in my life--my daughter, mother, and
sisters--are my "extra marital affairs."
They remind me of the importance of family and friends
info@soencouragement.org
242-327-1980
www.soencouragement.org
