Humor for Your Stress
PART 3 PART 4
Barrington H. Brennen
Dear Sir, Laughter is truly the best medicine. Sometimes I get lots
of laughs from your articles. Give us some more laughs. I am stressed-out today.
Here are a few humorous stories and quotes I hope will make you laugh
and reduce your risk of dying, at least for today.
Decades ago, when Bahamians believed more in ghosts than white
bread, this story circulated the halls of story telling. Late one night, an
exhausted teenager was passing the public cemetery and decided to sit down by
the cemetery gate to rest for a few minutes before continuing on his journey.
After a few minutes in the dark silence, he began to hear voices in the
graveyard. Who could be in the graveyard so late at night, he thought to
himself? " It could only be the spirits of persons talking to each other,
debating what grave they are going to take over." He listened closely as
the voices continued: "This one for me, this one for you. This one, that
one. This one for me, that one for you . . . ." For several minutes this
sharing episode went on. When it seemed that they were through sharing their
goods, one of the voices shouted - "But what about that one at the
gate." Hearing this, our dear exhausted teenager, picked up his sleeping
bones and fled the scene on bugs bunny spinning wheels. He did not realize that
the voices were those of real people sharing a bag of peanuts, and they thought
they had dropped a few by the gate.
There is a story about a man who loved one of Nassauís main
dishes years ago, white bread. One day his dear wife made 100 rolls and mixed a
bucket of switcher (more than a gallon of lime aid). After coming home very
hungry and tired he sat down and ate 99 rolls and drank the entire bucket of
cool, refreshing lime aid. His wife was surprise to see what he did. She
exclaimed: "Honey why did you leave that one roll." He responded:
"Dear, I donít want you to think I am some kind of a hog (a greedy
Here are a few humor stories some of my friends sent to me.
There was this guy who had just bought a brand-new Ferrari F-50, and he was
taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light by this little boy on a
motor bike who stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the guy
if he could take a quick look inside, and he agreed. Just as he was getting out
of the car, the boy asked the man how fast his car could go, and he said:
"Oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of course the boy nodded and waited
for the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As
he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and
then flew right past him. 'No! It couldnít be the boy on the motor bike, could
it?" He asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way
behind him. The guy then realized that indeed it WAS the boy on the moped. Then
the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch up
with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast, and
in a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and said. "Would you mind
taking my suspenders off your rear view mirror?"
A little non-Christian boy was doing very poorly in school,
especially maths. So, his father, after much deliberation, decided to send him
to a Catholic school because he heard that it was very good. On the little boyís
very first report card, he got all A's. His dad was mystified and he asked his
son how he was doing so well. His son replied "Well, I really knew that
they meant business the very first day of school when I walked into that
classroom and they had that guy nailed to the plus-sign."
Here are a few humor riddles you can quiz a friend with. 1.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. 2. What flower is in
between your nose and your chin? Two lips! 3. What animal walks on all four in
the morning, walks on two at mid day, and walks on three in the evening before
going to sleep? A human being. The morning time is the early years when we creep
around on all four. The mid day is the normal life time, when we walk up right
on two legs. The evening is old age when most people use a walking stick.
You would be amazed what questions lawyers ask
clients in the courtroom. Some of them can certainly give you a belly laugh. A
friend of mine sent me the following courtroom quotes. "Now doctor, isn't
it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?" "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
Q. "Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" A: "No." Q: "Did you
check for blood pressure?" A: "No." Q: "Did you check for
breathing?" A: "No." Q: "So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" A: "No." Q:
"How can you be so sure, Doctor?" A: "Because his brain was
sitting on my desk in a jar." Q: "But could the patient have still
been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law somewhere."
"How far apart were the vehicles at the
time of the collision?" "You were there until the time you left, is
"You say the stairs went down to the
basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up
"Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather
elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" A: "I went to Europe, Sir." Q:
"And you took your new wife?"
My son, Gerard, tells of a woman who wanted to
lose weight and still eat all the junk food. So whenever she ordered a whole
pizza, she thought of a way she could eat less and still enjoy the entire pizza.
Therefore she requested that the pizza be cut in six pieces instead of eight.
That certainly was a reduction. (Smile)
We have an interesting way of giving
directions where people live in the Bahamas. For example: "Where do you
live John?" "I live on Robertís Street in a yellow house. To get
there, drive down Wulff Road and when you reach Scotia Bank you will see a
corner with a red house and a green car in front of it. Do not turn through that
corner. Count two corners from that on that same side. That will lead you to Joy
Street. Turn through Joy Street and look out for a big cotton tree in front of
an old clap-board house. You will see an old man sitting on the porch smoking a
pipe. There are lots of dogs in the yard. Look behind that house for a white and
brown house. But that is not the house yet. Pass the brown and white house until
you see an old chevy under a tree. When you reach there ask for Mr. George, he
is my cousin. He will then tell you to look for the orange pick-up truck two
streets down the road. There you will find my grandmotherís house. I live
three houses behind my grandmotherís house. Remember the house is yellow and
white. Is that clear?"
Parents often say funny things when making
disciplinary statements. Like the one Christian Tim Davis state: "If you
cut off your legs with that lawnmower, donít come running to me." Or
"Look at me son . . . donít look at me that way."
Thatís enough! I hope you had a big belly
laugh. Go and share your laughter with another person and ease your stress.
Send your comments or
questions to Barrington H. Brennen, P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas; or
call 1-242 327 1980 or email
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