Dear In-Love-Bahamian-Male, what you feel is great; however, to make an intelligent choice about your life mate, you need to be there with her. You will always remember her as that sweet, respectful, and innocent person you met at the convention. Only through time and personal interaction will you really know if she is genuine as gold. Remember, being able to laugh together, talk, and share with is not enough to know if someone is for you. Good friends often do not necessarily make good married partners. Being a nice person does not automatically mean that she will be a suitable marriage mate.

You must ask yourself some serious questions. 1) Am I willing to travel frequently to get to know the person better? 2) Am I willing to change my lifestyle, country, and future plans to develop a healthy relationship with someone in another country? 3) Would she be willing to do the same? 4) What really was I attracted to when I saw her at the convention in Miami? Was it her sexy walk? Was it her sweet perfume? Was it her New York accent? If these are all, you will soon find another sexy lady, perhaps in Exuma, Freeport, or Jamaica, when you are on another trip. Then you will only be acting like a traditional, sex-driven Bahamian male.

Remember, you can choose to develop that relationship, but you will not really know her unless you have an opportunity to live in the same area with her, or her with you for a significant period of time--a year or more. The risks are too high. You want to know exactly what you are getting into when you marry. If you met in New York today, return home, and write daily to each other, and only see each other every two months, the chances are that both of you will never see the real person. You will both be good actors with masks, always putting on the best performance for each other. However, the longer you are around each other where you have to continue the daily routines of life, the masks begin to peel off and your true self is revealed. That’s the person you want to marry.

If you really feel that it is worth investing your love into this young woman, then what can you do? Here are some things you can do: 1) Move to New York, find a job, and live there for at least a year. Of course you will live by yourself and not with her. There will be no shacking up. 2) Suggest that she move to Nassau, find a job, and live here for at least one year. 3) Spend a three-month vacation in New York developing an acquaintance to enable you to see if you really want to invest in the relationship. 4) If you are happy about your findings, decide to make at least biweekly trips to New York, and stay at least three to four days at a time. (This can be very expensive). 5) Trips can be alternated. She could come to Nassau, then you could go to New York.

The point I am trying to make is that you need significant time together to get to know each other. Distance usually pushes people apart. Writing letters is not enough to learn about an individual. I know there have been expectations. You might know of individuals who have met each other in Germany and only wrote to each other for one year, then got married. The problem is that they had to learn how to become friends after marriage. That’s difficult to do, and it is risky business. The risk is that, other marital difficulties dangerous to the health of the relationship may arise that will hinder proper growth before you become friends. Do you want to take this risk? I admonish you to think before you leap into the arms of infatuation and romance.