My Dearest Mother and
Me
By Barrington H. Brennen,
January 14, 2015
PDF Format
 |
|
This color
pencil
artwork of Mary Elizabeth Catalyn
Brennen was drawn for by Gerard A.
Brennen, her grandson, in honor of her
memory |
|
Today, I dedicate this column to my dearest Mother, Mary
Elizabeth Catalyn Brennen who died on January 7,
2015, at the age of 86. She impacted my life greatly. As
an educator, she also influenced and molded the lives of
countless Bahamian citizens.
My
mother was married to Alfred Brennen for over 63 years.
Interestingly, they were married on July 18, 1951 at
Ebenezer Methodist Church, Shirley Street, by a pastor with
an unusual name: Rev. Lovelock, a native of Canada. He
certainly did lock them together and threw away the key.
This marriage yielded four children, and I am the only
son. What is so special to me is that my dearest mother
treated me, the only boy, the same way she did her three
daughters. The skills she taught her daughters, she taught
me also. Curfews and social privileges were no different
among us. I did not have special or extended privileges
because I was a boy. We all had to come home the same
time.
CREATIVITY
I
could never forget the day Mom called me to sit beside her
at the Singer sewing machine. That was the first day of
many days she began patiently teaching me the different
kinds of stitches, how to hem, put on buttons, install a
zipper, knit, pom-pom, thread a sewing machine, etc. She
would lovingly show me the chain stitch, straight stitch,
underhand stitch, and overhand stitch. I am happy she did
that. She taught me that a man need not depend on a woman
to do simple things or anything if he has the skill to do
it. She taught me that I must not treat my wife as a maid
by demanding that she do things for me. Today, although I
am not able to truly craft a dress or pair of pants, I am
really good at making adjustments and mending. In fact, at
times I am my wife’s chief consultant when she makes
dresses. Thanks to my dearest mother. I have never made
Annick feel that she was required to do something for me
simply because she was a woman. Thanks to my dearest
mother, Mary.
I
acquired the paper art skills from my mother. She loved
decorating anything. She not only decorated classroom
walls, but books and fabrics. She was magnificent.
IN THE KITCHEN
How
can I forget her culinary skills? When it comes to cooking
and baking, all the children were “required” to cook and
bake. Using an ancient-of-days kerosene old stove and a
top-of-the-stove portable baking oven, Mother taught me and
my sisters how to make tasty meals, cakes, breads, and her
famous Johnny and Bennie cakes. Oh, I cannot leave out the
guava and raisin duffs. By the time I was in my early
teens, my treat was to cook breakfast every Sunday morning
for the entire family. The cottage-cheese salads garnished
with diced apples and raisins, grilled cheese sliced bread,
pancakes, scrambled eggs, etc, were some of my
specialties.
We
were all vegetarians and ironically, I did not like peas and
beans. Mother knew the nutritional value of peas and beans
and got me to eat them by making peas and beans patties and
pancakes. They were delicious. Today I love peas and
beans. They are like candy to me. That’s a creative
mother. Her great cooking and creativity in the kitchen led
her to become a much-demanded caterer at many weddings and
social functions. As children we would stay up late at
nights delicately cutting the dark brown edges off each
slice of bread. She taught us that gourmet sandwiches were
not made with the bread edges on them. I cannot leave out
the Saturday night church socials and the corn fritters,
corn dogs, and “veggie conch” salad; all her creations.
Summer youth camp leaders demanded her presence in the camp
kitchen every year for decades. As camp matron, she would
lovingly get up in the early morning hours to cook
breakfast, with the help of her team, for almost 200
campers. This was all a labor love.
SOCIAL AND SEX LIFE
What was most exiting to me as a young child was when I
first saw my mother and father kiss on the lips. Wow! That
was special. In fact I jumped for joy as though I was
saying “do it again mom and dad.” That was my first lesson
in sex education. My mother and father were very concerned
that her children received the proper knowledge about sex,
love, and social life. Young men who were interested in
having a relationship with my sisters were not turned off,
but were instead guided by my parents. My dearest mother
would tell us all that our friends could come to visit us at
the home, but they had to come inside the house to talk with
us. There was to be no lingering in the streets or around
the corners of the house. When
we went to social events we were advised to remain with the
crowd. Do not sneak around dark corners. We were to
protect our own dignity by keeping “everything in the
light.” As a result of that I developed a philosophy that
governed my life as a young man and still does today in a
real sense. Here it is: If I could not do something in my
parents’ presence, I could not do it behind their backs.
That included kissing a girl. Perhaps that is why I never
kissed one until I met my wife, Annick.
As
you can see, sex education began very early in the Brennen
family. My mother and father held nothing back from us. We
had long discussion sessions about sex, boyfriend, and
girlfriend matters. Most interestingly, my dearest mother
kept her contraceptive in the medicine cabinet in the
bathroom for years. She was waiting for the right time to
talk with us about sex by showing us the diaphragm she used
as a contraceptive. Of course, we asked questions. Yes, it
was a stimulating discussion. More importantly, she taught
us it was better to wait until after you say “I do” before
you engaged in sexual intercourse.
PUPPY LOVE
My
dearest mother understood how “puppy love” worked in the
heads of little children. When I was five years old, I
asked my first grade teacher (more than 25 years older) to
marry me. I was “in love” with her. I begged her to wait
for me when I get older so we could get married. I would
sneak under her desk and kiss her feet. I would hide behind
the door after class to wait for her and rush to her to help
her take her books to the car. My mother never condemned or
criticized my “love affair” with Miss Blake, a native of
Jamaica. She understood how tiny little hearts of boys work
when it comes to love. My dearest mother would smile and
sometimes even went along with the “affair.” It is so
special to recall. She did not condemn me and say words
like “shut up you stupid boy” or “that’s a silly thing to
say.” Her responses were always sensitive and
understanding. That’s a great mother. She knew I would
grow out of it.
We
were so open in our family about love and relationships,
that my parents knew every female I had a crush, especially
Mother. When I was in Jamaica studying at Northern
Caribbean University, I would write long epistles to Mother
about any relationship, romantic or casual, I had with
females.
THE BEST TEACHER
She
was the best Grade 1 teacher in The Bahamas for decades.
She was patient, caring, understanding, and motherly to
every child in her classroom. The child who could not read
well would be inspired to read because of my dearest
mother’s genuine interest in making sure that every child
succeeds. She would take
 |
|
Barrington H. Brennen |
|
the
time, with crafted phonic and word cards created by her own
hands, to unwearyingly tutor any child who needed help. The
child who fell and bruised her knee was quickly nursed by my
mother’s tender hands. She was the self-made campus
nurse. Alcohol or mercurochrome was rubbed under Band-Aids
or gauzes on the bruised skin of countless students. If
you wanted your pain to go away, just let “Mrs. Brennen
treat it for you.”
These are fond memories of my dearest mother. Time and
space would not allow me to fully express the impact she had
on me, my sisters, and countless citizens of our country.
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who
fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has
earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate"
(Proverbs 31).
Barrington H. Brennen is
a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical
psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or
call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002
