Information                    Inspiration                      Insight                        Restoration                        Healing

 Home   Donate   About Us   Contact Us  Resources  Media    Articles on Relationships Articles on Gender Equality

Videos  

CFR

Our Family Album

  Prepare/Enrich

 Seminars

Group Therapy Room

 

 

Lord, Please Give Me A Housewife

By Barrington H. Brennen, 2001

 

 

Question: Dear Sir: For the past five years I have been asking God to give me a housewife. I wanted a housewife so she could stay at home and take care of me, cook, wash and iron, and have my children. But since reading your articles, I am getting the impression that this might not be a good idea. Is there anything wrong in wanting a housewife? Signed: Young Man Who Wants A Housewife.

 

Answer: Dear Young-Man-Who-Wants-A-Housewife, It sounds as if you want a housemaid rather than a wife. You are correct. Just wanting a woman as a housewife is not a good idea. You will not have a marriage. You will only have a live-in maid with whom you have legal permission to have sex with. Marriage is a loving partnership between a man and a woman. It is a union in which both share and cherish each other. If your requirement for a good wife is that she must stay at home all her life, then you might get a surprise when one day she tells you she wants to start classes in Accounting at the College of the Bahamas.

 

MATERNITY AND PATERNITY LEAVE

I firmly believe that couples should plan for a partner to stay at home during the formative years of their children. Since the woman is the one who carries the baby, there are biological and psychological reasons why she should be at home for the first few months or years of the baby’s life. However, this does not mean that the husband cannot stay at home, or that the wife must remain home all her life and not have a career outside of the home. A man should not require that his wife stays at home. It must be the wife’s voluntary decision.

 

I believe that we have reached such a dilemma in our families that we must take a second look at how our mothers and fathers are parenting. It is now time that our government and the private sector become pro-family in regards to policies and business practices. For instance, I believe that maternity leave should be extended from three to six months and that fathers should have the option of also getting six months paternity leave. This would give one year when at least one parent will be at home nurturing the infant. Three months is not sufficient for proper early care of a young child. The first year is when the emotional and physical foundation is being laid in the life of the child. It is the time when the child either begins to trust or mistrust her parents. Internationally, more and more nations and large businesses are beginning to be pro-family by giving longer maternity leave and paternity leave. There have been cases when fathers have received up to one year paternity leave with full salary. If we, in the Bahamas believe, that fathers are equally important in the lives of their children, then we must be willing to allow the fathers to be fathers.

 

I WANT A WIFE

Traditionally, men have made great demands on their wives. They have consciously or unconsciously expected them to be doormats and servants, forgetting that slavery days are over and that women do have minds of their own. Here is a letter a male college student wrote to his professor describing the type of wife he wanted. It is a sad revelation of how many men think of women. It was published by Judy Syfers in the book "I Want a Wife":

 

"I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by friends, I want a wife who will take care of babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school who I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about the things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

 

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, and a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I just, after all, must be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

 

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with the other one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.

 

My God, who WOULDN’T want a wife?"

 

FREE CHOICE

What a pathetic picture of a wife. If you want a wife like the one described in the letter, I must again remind you that slavery days are over. I am suggesting that it is wrong to require your partner to be a housewife. If it is her free choice and desire to be at home, especially when the children are young, then, you will not demand that she be a maid. Instead, you will both work together by fairly dividing all household chores and sharing in meeting the children’s physical and emotional needs. Dear friend, look for someone to love and cherish rather than someone to cook and wash for you. Look for a wife not a maid.

 


 

Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.   barrintonbrennen@gmail.com  242-327-1980. Nassau, The Bahamas

 

 

 
Below Are Guidelines For Sharing the Information On This Site
Permission is granted place links to these articles on social media like Google+, FaceBook, etc..    Permission is also granted to print these pages and to make the necessary copies for your  personal use, friends,  seminar, or meeting handout.  You must not sell for personal gain, only to cover the cost to make copies if necessary.    Written permission (email) is needed to publish or reprint articles and materials in any other form.   Articles written by Barrington H. Brennen, Counseling Psychologist, Marriage & Family Therapist.  P.O. Box CB-13019,  Nassau, The Bahamas.   
 
 question@soencouragement.org or barringtonbrennen@gmail.com  Phone contact is 242-327 1980.   
 
Copyright © 1999 Sounds of Encouragement.   All rights reserved.