This is a diabolical attack on the Christian family. It is now time for families to decide which days of the week they will keep the church doors closed in their mind’s eyes. While I served as a school counselor, I met many children who were suffering academically and socially simply because their parents took them to church every night. They would come home from the meetings way past the normal, healthy bed time, and could not get sufficient rest before they had to rise early the next morning to go to school. They were often sleepy in classes, edgy, and nervous. Their school work performance was poor. What kind of image will these children have of God? Sometimes their parents are also shouting at each other, and it is all because they would not pause to take time to rest.

For the past six months, I have conducted many marriage seminars for churches and institutions. At each seminar I asked the couples to complete a marriage survey. Each time more than 70 percent of the couples indicated that being "too busy" was a serious challenge in their relationship.

MANY PASTORS ARE TO BLAME

Unfortunately, many pastors are to blame for this poor family behavior among their own church members. They make their members feel guilty if they do not show up to every function. They pressure them to believe that true service for God is only shown when you are physically present at every meeting called by the church. They make their members believe that if they are spiritual enough, they would have no pain and all their needs will be met. Through their own subtle tactics of control, these all-powerful, all-knowing spiritual leaders, whip the wan of guilt over their members’ heads by telling them "If you were out last night to the revival you would not have the pain you are experiencing."

 

FALSE ASSUMPTIONS

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, both Christian psychologists, authored a book entitled "12 Christian Beliefs that Can Drive You Crazy." In Chapter 1 they talk about the false assumption of Christianity: "It’s selfish to have my needs met." Let me share with you the opening story of the chapter they used to introduce the topic.

"Exhausted and lonely one Monday afternoon, Sarah reached over and switched on the radio. It had been a rough weekend. Every request she made of the children had turned into a battle, and her husband had remained planted in front of the television. She couldn’t recall if he had said a caring word to her or the children all weekend. It was like the old joke, she thought "Ask me how my day was," say the comedian. "All right–how was your day?" "Don’t Ask"

It was a bitter joke for Sarah. She didn’t even want to think about how depressed she was. Maybe the radio would help. She flipped through the newspaper for the day’s radio listings. The topic on the Christian station was, "Help When You’re Down." She recognized that speaker’s name; he was a local, well-respected pastor. She tuned in to the station.

". . . so you’re down, troubled, lonely, you’re under crushing pressure. You wonder sometimes if things will ever change for you." "Is he reading my mind?" thought Sarah. He was describing her very feelings at the moment. He understood. "My friend, there’s an answer for you from the Word of God." Biblically based teaching was important to Sarah.

"The answer," said the pastor, "is to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others. Just as our Lord thought not of himself, but emptied himself for others, we will find joy in self-sacrifice and service. Get off the pity pot."

Sarah’s heart dropped. "Peace in sharing? I’ve been sharing myself all weekend, and I’m in pieces, not at peace." She had no sooner formed these resentful words in her mind, that she immediately felt guilty. After all, the pastor was quoting the Bible. "I guess he’s right," she told herself. "I’m just being selfish." She reached for the church bulletin to see what additional committee she could volunteer for. Maybe in serving more, she’d find the happiness she longed for. But she was beginning to despair of ever being happy, and ever feeling satisfied about herself and her life.

Every day, well-intentioned Christians listen to messages similar to the one Sarah heard. That message–"Stop thinking of your own needs"–is taught by sincere well-intentioned Christian teachers who only want to help people obey the Savior. The problem is that it’s not a biblical message. Could this be the message many parents are hearing why they refuse to stop and care for themselves and their families?

We can be very active in church. We can even try to be nice and helpful to all we meet. However, the most helpful people in the world are those who have been helped. As Dr. Clouds writes it: "The most comforting people in the world are those who have been comforted; the most understanding people are those who have been understood; and the most loving people are those who have been loved."

Dear parents, please stay home tonight with your children. Give them time to grow and enjoy life. Provide for them the environment that has a healthy balance between leisure time, church, and school work. Remember, you can be so busy "working for the Lord" that you can destroy your relationship with him and your family. Some Christian husbands and wives are so holy and heavenly they are of no earthly good to their spouses. "Let’s stay home to night baby." It is certainly time to close the church door and stay home to nurture your soul.       Go to part two