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Favoritism Destroys Families and Nations

Last week I shared ways in which we can build a non-violent nation. I also mentioned a few points that are helping to destroy our Bahamas. One of these "destroying agents" is favoritism. This article is not intended to be a scholarly work on the etiology of favoritism, nor is it a thesis on creating a non-violent environment. It is just a friendly conversation warning you, dear reader, about the silent Bahamian killer - favoritism.

This killer of the Bahamian spirit walks the halls of the judiciary system, the corridors of healing institutions, the teaching rooms of educational centers, and board rooms of cooperate establishments, etc. Where does it really start? It starts around the dining tables, in the kitchens and living rooms of our Bahamian homes. It has nothing to do with being single, married, widowed, white or black. It has all to do with personal integrity, a much needed virtue in modern Bahamian family life.

The sad part about the problem of favoritism in our country is that too many participants think it is normal behavior. In fact many have been taught that respect for a relative or friend is shown by placing them in front of the line or letting them get away with shady business dealings. Words that can paint clearer pictures of meaning of favoritism are: discrimination, injustice, prejudice, inequality, nepotism, and partiality. Do you get the picture? Mothers and fathers, are you guilty of any one of these? Remember these negative behaviors start in our home.

A mother and father who have a favorite child cause hatred, jealousy, vicious fights, and sometimes life-long enemies between siblings. Many of these parents often become critical or judgmental with evil motives, not only in their family circle but with others they come in contact with each day. A serious side effect of favoritism is that of covering up. Our favorite person can do no wrong. Or "if I wash his hands one day he will wash mine." We become dishonest. People who practice favoritism cannot be fully honest. They must lie. The problem is they do it so often that the lie now appears as the truth. To these individuals, the truth does not matter, itís only what they can get out of it for themselves. At the heart of favoritism is the malignant tumor called self-centeredness.

One of the ways this type of behavior is developed is when our children are told to shut up and not say a word when they have witnessed what has really happened. Another way is expecting a doctor, nurse, or bank teller to break the rules and do a favor just because he is a friend. Another serious way this behavior is learned is when children watch and listen as a parent calls a police who is a relative to get their brother out of jail and "get him off the hook" in spite of the broken law. These children grow up to believe that who you are is more important than the wrong you did. More power to the parents who let their guilty sons and daughters sleep in prison cells or police lock-ups. These are the parents that are building a healthy nation.

Do we really want to get rid of violence in our country. Then, peace can only come through sacrifice not favoritism. That is, parents willing to tell the truth although it hurts. Also parents who have the gumption to call the police when a child breaks the law. It is also a politician, minister of the gospel, and their family members, getting the same prison time for wrong doings as the carpenter or road digger living Over the Hill. Parents, we must instill in our childrenís minds that the law is no respecter of persons.

Our nation is starving for a true practice of justice and fair-play, not just in our courts, but in our homes. This type of justice can only start in the hearts of parents. Parents you are destroying your sons and daughters and eventually the nation when you lie and cover-up for them. Let us all stalk about streets of our national lives searching for the silent killer - favoritism. Letís be open and honest.

 
 
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Permission is granted place links to these articles on social media like Google+, FaceBook, etc..    Permission is also granted to print these pages and to make the necessary copies for your  personal use, friends,  seminar, or meeting handout.  You must not sell for personal gain, only to cover the cost to make copies if necessary.    Written permission (email) is needed to publish or reprint articles and materials in any other form.   Articles written by Barrington H. Brennen, Counseling Psychologist, Marriage & Family Therapist.  P.O. Box CB-13019,  Nassau, The Bahamas.   
 
 question@soencouragement.org or barringtonbrennen@gmail.com  Phone contact is 242-327 1980.   
 
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